Handling rejection - a yandere-friendly guide.

Even as a non-yandere (or "nondere"), I'm sure most people are familiar with how awful it feels to be rejected, not to mention the desire to get over that feeling and move on. I know things can seem hopeless in that situation, as if there's nothing you can do to make yourself feel better, but I'm here to tell you that that doesn't have to be the case. Whether you think of yourself as a fairly normal person, a yandere, or something in-between, it never hurts to learn new coping skills, which we're about to go over. If, by the time this is over, you're aware of some good ones that I've failed to list, feel free to let me know! My inbox is always open and comments on this blog are never disabled.

The first thing you need to focus on is remaining calm. It's always easier to handle emotional issues when you're relaxed. Here are many different websites which may help you relax. And here are several more websites which might help you. Consider getting something to drink, like water or tea, shouting into or punching a pillow, squeezing a stress ball or other soft object, or hugging something against your chest, like a pillow or a stuffed animal. Remember that you're safe and loved. Don't forget to breathe, and why not listen to some relaxing music you enjoy, too? Once you're feeling relaxed, it's time to move on to phase two:

Focusing on your hobbies and interests more than you already do. If there's one thing that helps people - even yanderes! - forget about a person they still care about, it's keeping their mind too preoccupied with other things to think about that person. It's only natural that the two things I'd recommend replacing those thoughts with are another person, and your hobbies or interests. Do you enjoy playing a specific video game? Dedicate more time to getting better at it. Is drawing your thing? Have fun looking up tutorials on how to use some of the buttons in your image-editing programs that you've never used before. Is cooking fun for you? Find new, more complicated recipes to try out.

Whatever you do, the goal is the same: keeping your mind occupied. When you're too busy focusing on something you love, there's no time to think about the things that cause you pain. This is why people are so prone to dwelling on these things when they're driving, washing dishes, taking a shower, trying to go to sleep, and at other times - the tasks they're doing at those times are so menial and require so little thought that their minds wander and inevitably land on their rejector as a topic to dwell on. When you're multi-tasking watching a streaming video online, playing a video game, and talking to three different friends all at the same time, there's no time to remember your rejector even exists.

Step three: at some point, you must accept that you've been rejected. This will likely be the hardest step for you to work on. You might think, "Of course I accept it! Now I just have to figure out what to do to get [him/her] back." If so: that's not accepting it. Accepting your rejection means embracing that it's permanent and moving on. Their rejection is likely for the best. If they felt the need to reject you, it's because they don't think the two of you are compatible for whatever reason(s). Because of that, you're better off without them. Trust me, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. Now, think about a scenario in which you coerce your rejector into a relationship with you against their will - through blackmail, for example.

If you forced a relationship with them, do you really think they would be happy? The correct answer is "no." They'd prefer not to be in a relationship with you; going against that wish will only make them unhappier and less likely to be friendly and kind toward you. If you dislike how they're behaving now, when you're not in a relationship with them, I can guarantee that you'd loathe how they acted if you somehow managed to rope them into a relationship with you against their will. This is why it's for the best that you were rejected. Both of you are happier people for it. (Note that I said "happier," not "happy.")

"But maybe I could do something different that will make them like m-!" No. I'm not going to give anyone false hope about this. An average psychologist could do a better job of explaining this than a layman like myself ever could, but there's just something about first impressions and long-term impressions that remain permanent fixtures in people's minds. If you trip in front of your new boss, spill his coffee on his shirt, and knock over a pile of papers in his presence - all within the first five minutes of meeting him - there's a one hundred percent chance of him thinking of you as a klutz for months - if not years - to come, even if you're normally a very responsible individual.

If you give someone a bad impression once, chances are it's going to stick with them, either for a long time or permanently. I'm sure you can think of many times this has happened to you, or times when you've read or heard something from somebody that gave you a lasting, bad impression of them. It seems to be an innate part of human nature. This is likely how your rejector feels about you, to a degree; trying to force yourself on them will only worsen their impression of you. The only thing you can do is accept that your rejector will not go out with you.

Well, you can do more than that. That's what this guide is about, after all: going over your best options. For now, focus on the fact that it's a good thing that you were rejected. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you'll feel free to pursue relationships with other people - people who may not reject you, people who may want to be in a relationship with you. And believe it or not, yes, there are people out there who will want you, no matter what flaws you have. Most people have relationship-less periods which last for years; don't feel ashamed if you're stuck in that same rut. It's really only a matter of time until you find a new potential partner.

This brings us to step four: finding someone new to occupy your thoughts with. Another difficult step to perform if you're having trouble letting go of your rejector. If you're a nondere, this may not be necessary, but as a yandere, it's absolutely critical. If you're still having trouble letting go of your rejector, then tell yourself, "I'm not looking for a new [boy/girl]friend; I'm just looking for new friends." And if you keep at it long enough, one of these new friends you make will be likable enough that they'll take up your thoughts instead of your rejector. As for where to look for new friends: that's up to you. Think about your interests. If you're looking for a good friend, you'll need to have some amount of things in common. Finding a friend through a shared interest is a great jumping-off point.

For a list of websites and services you can use to make new friends, check out this post, scroll down to the paragraph that starts with the word "Facebook," and start reading from there. After that, it's just a matter of finding people with the same interests or joining groups or sub-sections of those websites that were founded to celebrate a specific hobby or interest. Remember: your ultimate goal is to find someone who makes you forget about your rejector, if you're a yandere or similar person who can't stop dwelling on the person who rejected you. I promise that it's possible to find someone who helps you forget about them. It's just a matter of time, persistence, and casting a wide net - joining many different websites and/or groups, to meet as many new people as you can as quickly as you can.

Finally, step A: counseling and medication. This step falls outside steps one through four, as it can be readily applied at any point in-between, much like step one. A counselor once told me that being counseled and receiving medication are like being given a bow and an arrow; they can both be used on their own, but are far more effective when used together. A counselor can show you a clear, productive, beneficial path to walk, but your mind may not be ready to take those steps, leaving you stuck in a rut. The right doses and combinations of medications can help you cope with reality, defeat your depression, and greatly diminish your obsession, but those chemicals can't advise you on where you should go or what you should do.

This is why I advise receiving both counseling and medication. I understand that not everyone can afford them and some people believe that they're nothing but useless quackery, so I'll try not to be too insistent on it. Still, I'd be lying if I said they're not worth looking into. If you live with your legal guardians and are battling depression, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, or any other problems, I urge you to work up the courage to ask them for help in receiving counseling and medication. You might be surprised by how willing they'll be to help you. And on that note, I encourage you to talk to your close, trusted friends about any problems you're experiencing, too! Family members and internet articles aren't the only things that can help you.

With these five major steps, anyone is capable of handling rejection, no matter how obsessive they may be.