Raising a healthy yandere, part three - the right yandere for you.

Continued from part two.

Let's assume that you've found a potential yandere to adopt as a pet, hereby referred to as a prospect. What should you do next? First things first, you need to make sure that adopting this yandere is legal. As mentioned in the last part of this guide, you need to determine the age of anyone you consider a prospect, and if the information on their profile(s) isn't making it clear, then you should ask them directly. The sooner you learn how old they are, the better. If there's an age gap which would make things creepy, it's time to cut your losses and move on. I understand that creepiness in general may be seen as an endearing trait to some people who would like to have a pet yandere, but hopefully these people can understand that crossing legal boundaries by attempting to own an underage one is absolutely unacceptable.

Moving on with the initial assumption: let's say that you've found a prospect and there are no legal complications. Your next step is to find out what they look like. You've already determined that you're probably attracted to them for their personality, so now you need to learn if you're attracted to the rest of them, such as their appearance and interests. Of course, you'll also need to learn if your spiritual beliefs are compatible with theirs (and if not, can you handle how often they bring theirs up? Or do they keep their beliefs to themself? And what about you - how important is it to you that they share the same beliefs as you?), and you'll need to figure out if two of you are compatible in other areas of your life. Think of how often you interact with friends and family in real life. If your prospect somehow moved in tomorrow, how would they react to you spending as much time with your friends and family as you do now? How would they fit into your lifestyle?

The name of the game is compatibility. Not all yanderes are made equally, and you need to figure out how much you're willing to compromise in order to keep one as a pet. They don't exactly grow on trees, so if you're lucky enough to find one, you must ask yourself: "Are the unpleasant aspects of this yandere - such as our disagreements on religious matters - bad enough that I can't love them, or am I willing to love them despite what I see as negative traits?" If you need to stop and think about it for more than a minute, chances are that your love for them wouldn't be unwavering enough to make for a stable relationship, and you would only be setting yourself up for inevitable failure. Another thing to consider is, "They have flaws, just like I do and everybody else does. Am I going to try to love them in the hopes that they'll change for the better over time?"

If so: you're not going to love them for who they are. You're going to fall in love with a made up image of who you want them to be in your head, months or years down the road. If they fail to live up to that expectation, again, the relationship will fail and end in mutual heartbreak, which I'm sure neither of you would want. And, just like in the point before this one, if you have to stop and ask yourself if you could keep loving them five years from now if they haven't changed one bit, you probably don't care about them strongly enough for your relationship with them to be stable or long-lasting - you care more about the person you want them to be for you. If you can't accept your prospect for who they are now, it would be in both of your best interests for you to move along and disregard thinking of them as a prospect as soon as possible.

And there are countless other aspects to consider. Do they smoke, drink, or do drugs? If so, are you alright with that? Does any aspect of who they are or how they treat you or others make you uncomfortable or distraught? Do they seemingly try to make you feel bad about who you are, what you want to do with your life, or anything else? Do they only initiate conversations with you so they can dump emotional baggage on you, or talk about themself? Outside of those times, does it seem like you're always the one initiating conversations, or you're putting in all the effort trying to get to know them, and they don't reciprocate? Similarly, do you notice that you give them gifts and other signs of affection regularly, but they never reciprocate?

Do you go out of your way to make time for them, but they never make time for you? Do they frequently ignore you without ever saying why? Would they remain loyal to you if you were in an accident and gained some significant scars on your face, or if you were in an accident and lost all your money to pay for the bills? Do you feel like you can't really be yourself around them? In question 10 in the first part of this guide, how many points would they have lost due to their negative traits? The list of aspects you should consider goes on and on. Some of these traits would indicate that the "yandere" you found isn't really a yandere at all, if you experienced them after things progressed to a romantic relationship. There's not a yandere alive who would intentionally ignore their owner on a routine basis. That's the very antithesis of a yandere!

In any case, the person who will have the best understanding of whether or not a specific yandere is compatible with you is you, yourself. All of the above should just be a framework to reference, not a strict checklist to follow when deciding if someone could be a prospect or more than that.

Now, let's assume that you've followed the steps in parts one and two of this guide to the best of your ability, but you still haven't found a yandere. That's okay. You can follow those steps for months on end without having any luck. As is often said in yandere communities, "Don't try finding them; they'll find you," and that's true in some cases. Many yanderes have enough sense to know that they have to keep their mental illnesses to themself and behave normally around others as often as possible. Because of this, you could have passed by an untold number of yanderes throughout your life without even realizing it. If they take an interest in you, it's likely that they'll inadvertently reveal to you that they're a yandere, and probably sooner rather than later. Still, being proactive in your search only strengthens your chances of succeeding, so I encourage you to do so.

To be concluded in part four.

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Raising a healthy yandere, part two - finding a yandere.

Continued from part one.

If you've completed the quiz in part one and still think a yandere's the perfect pet for you, you may be wondering, "Where do I find one?" If so, you've come to the right place. For many of the reasons listed in this three part post, you're far more likely to find yanderes online than in the real world. Low self-esteem plays a tremendous role in keeping people indoors and online, and yanderes are no exception. Also, by disassociating from their identity in the real world and creating an anonymous or semi-anonymous persona for themself, people feel more freedom to express their innermost feelings. While social etiquette might stop someone from making an offensive joke around their coworkers, a lack of consequences can compel them to do so on the internet, just as a yandere can feel free to behave however they want (within reason) over the same medium.

Three more reasons why yanderes are more likely to be found on the websites you visit than the street you live on are the added resources at their disposal, the ability to start over again if things go wrong, and because they're often shunned in the real world. Starting with the first reason: by using search engines like google and other tools, anyone - including yanderes - is able to look up information on the people they've taken an interest in, and what stalker doesn't want to learn more about their target? Moving on to the second: if a yandere botches things on the internet, they don't have to stress about it too much - instead, they can just make a new identity for themself in the same community they were a part of. In the real world, if their friends ever found out how obsessive or deranged they were, there would likely be no recovering from that, socially speaking.

And wrapping up the reasoning behind the third reason: as pointed out and explained in several posts before this one, such as the three part series linked earlier, yanderes don't always do a very good job of coping with everyday life outside the internet. In many cases, that's a factor in them becoming yanderes in the first place. So, when they have the option of being somewhere that makes them uncomfortable - the real world - or on the internet, where they can do virtually anything they want and have complete control over who interacts with them, for how long, and what methods those people use to interact with them - I.E. emails, instant messages, voice chats, video chats, etc. - it's easy to see why they, like so many other people, would choose the internet over interactions in person.

This is not to say that you won't find any yanderes walking the streets. You'll just have a much higher chance of success online. Now that we've firmly established that (without even going over many of the other reasons why this is true): where, specifically, should you look for a yandere on the internet? There are a few different, correct, general answers to this question, and the first is: anywhere that's crowded. Your facebooks, your twitters, your reddits. Any website which has anywhere from millions of users to over a billion users and allows them to contact one another, preferably - but not necessarily - over private messages. Real yanderes are incredibly uncommon creatures, and if you intend to find one somewhere in the depths of the internet, you'll need to cast a wide net.

Or will you? The second correct, general answer to where you should look for yanderes online is: anywhere that claims to have them. Right now, you can hop on google, search for "yandere community," and join one in under five minutes. From there, it's just a matter of getting to know people and figuring out if any of them are a yandere. This can relate to the first answer, in that you can search facebook's groups for a yandere group to join, reddit for a yandere subreddit to join, and so on. But I'll warn you in advance: once again, for reasons listed in this post and several others, fans of yanderes are underage, more often than not. Whether you're a teenager or an adult who's looking for a yandere, you should always inquire about the age of possible yanderes you speak with.

If you're a teen who has no problem with having another teenage yandere as a pet, there's still a major problem. As a minor, the odds of you being financially independent enough to support yourself and a yandere are beyond one in a million. For this significant reason alone, you should only consider adopting a pet yandere once you're an adult. Focusing on this task from the point of view of an adult seeking an adult yandere, you should be aware that by early adulthood - typically from ages 19 to 24, give or take a year or two - yanderes "grow out of it" for many reasons, not least of which is that they've lived long enough to enter into more romantic relationships and gained more confidence in their ability to have more of them in the future, without needing to be clingy.

In some cases, yanderes mellow out and become less obsessive in early adulthood due to puberty ending, and in other cases, by the time they become an adult or have lived the life of one for a few years, they've been hurt by enough people to stop feeling clingy toward the people they care about, or they finally stop caring about others. This is normal for those who grow to distrust people over time, since they think they'll only end up being hurt again. Yet another reason is that, by early adulthood, some yanderes think - and accept - that they won't be in a relationship for the rest of their lives. For the purposes of this discussion, whether they're right about that or not is irrelevant. What matters is how it impacts their outlook on relationships. I probably don't have to tell you that someone who sincerely thinks they'll never be in another relationship spends little or no time seeking one out, and is far from clingy or yandere.

In other words: for a large number of reasons (some of which haven't even been covered), being a yandere is just a phase for most teens and young adults. This is another good reason to only seek out an adult yandere. If you truly want one, then chances are that you want one for life, not a yandere who will cease to be one within a couple of years. With this in mind, let's look at a third correct answer to "where should I look for yanderes?" Anywhere that people are likely to write about themselves in detail. If someone points out on their profile that they're a little psychotic, clingy, or needy sometimes, then you may have stumbled across a yandere. For this reason, dating sites would be perfect, if not for their lack of yanderes. You can spend hours reading five hundred consecutive profiles without finding one. (And if you're desperate enough to actually do that: congratulations! You may be a yandere yourself.)

You may be surprised by how heavily cluttered dating sites are with seemingly ordinary people. From match.com to okcupid and every dating site in-between, yanderes are out there, but they're rare. But if you're willing to put in the time and effort to try finding one and keep the three bolded principles in mind when looking, then it will only be a matter of time until you succeed. You may even succeed just by going about your daily life and being lucky enough to meet one by chance, but why laze about in the hopes of that happening when it's so unlikely? You may as well bolster your odds of finding a yandere by being proactive about it. To recap where to find yanderes online:

1: Anywhere that's crowded.
2: Anywhere that claims to have them.
3: And anywhere that people are likely to write about themselves in detail.

And here's a brief list of some specific sites and communities you can consider checking out:

Any dating site. Search for words like "yandere," "clingy," or "needy" if the site you check has a search feature.
Any small yandere communities you find via google, such as forums that revolve around the discussion of yanderes.
Deviantart - search for the word "yandere" to find works of art with "yandere" in the title or description. If you notice that someone has drawn a great deal of yandere pictures instead of only one, you may be onto something. Otherwise, probably not.
Facebook - search for the word "yandere" to find yandere groups and people with "yandere" in their name.
Reddit - search for the word "yandere" to find yandere subreddits and submissions with "yandere" in their title.
Steam - search for the word "yandere" to find both yandere groups and individuals with the word "yandere" either in their name or elsewhere on their profile.
Tumblr - search for the word "yandere" and people with "yandere" in their URL.
Twitter - search for the word "yandere."

Know of another site I should add which has at least one million users? Let me know!

Continued in part three.

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Raising a healthy yandere, part one - is a yandere right for you?

Like many pets, yanderes require a great number of things to survive and thrive, no matter what kind of yandere is being discussed. Before buying or fostering a yandere, it's important to not only consider its physical needs - such as what it will eat and drink, whether it will be an indoor or outdoor yandere, and so on - but its emotional needs as well. This is where many yandere owners fall short. All too often, yanderes seem to be part of an acceptable household at a glance, but if you interview their owners, you'd be shocked by how little care they receive. This guide's primary aim is to rectify that through education, for the mutual benefit of yanderes and their owners. So, let's get started!

One question that many potential yandere owners never ask themselves is, "Is a yandere right for me?" In most cases, people seek out yanderes in the hopes of filling an emotional void without giving much thought to alternative pets. A cat owner, for example, would probably never spare a thought to going out and buying a lizard instead of a second cat. This is, perhaps, the most critical phase of owning a yandere: figuring out if a yandere is right for you. Yanderes are rarely kept as pets, and for good reason - they're notoriously difficult to take care of, and as uncommon as they are, it's equally uncommon to find someone who's equipped to properly care for one.

Are you such a person? Let's find out through a Q&A. Add up the number of points next to each answer you select as you go through this. Some answers will be weighted more heavily than others.

1. How many hours of experience do you have dealing with yanderes in which you did not feel stress or other negative feelings?
 A) Less than 25. [0 points.]
 B) Between 25 and 100. [2 points.]
 C) Over 100. [5 points.]

2. How many hours per day are you happy to set aside for your yandere? (Not just how many you're potentially able to: how many hours you will gladly set aside for them!)
 A) Less than 6 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [0 points.]
 B) Between 6 and 10 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [4 points.]
 C) Over 10 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [10 points.]

3. How do you feel about yanderes?
 A) They're pretty okay. I like them, I guess. [0 points.]
 B) I love them! I mean, I've never actually owned one or interacted with one for more than a few minutes at a time, and I'm no expert on them or anything, but there's a first time for everything, right? [0 points.]
 C) I love them! I have at least 25 hours of experience owning one or interacting with one without feeling stress or other negative feelings, and I've spent at least 5 hours studying and reading about them. Most of my knowledge on them is based on theory, but I do have some hands-on experience, and I think they're right for me! [2 points.]
 D) I love them! I have at least 100 hours of experience owning one or interacting with one without feeling stress or other negative feelings, and I've spent at least 10 hours studying and reading about them. Most of my knowledge on them is based on practical experience, and I know for a fact that they're right for me! [5 points.]
 E) Few people on Earth can claim to understand them as well as I do. I am one. [5 points.]

4. Are you able to financially support another living being who would cost only half as much to take care of as yourself? (For example, if your monthly expenses - including rent, groceries - etc. cost you $1,000 a month, consider whether or not you can afford to increase that to $1,500 a month.)
 A) No; I'm dependent on others for financial support myself, or I can only afford to support myself. [0 points.]
 B) Possibly; I understand that taking on more hours at work or getting a second job is not an option, due to how much attention yanderes require. But if I stop spending money on some things, like fast food, cigarettes, alcohol, etc, I think I can afford to take care of a yandere and myself simultaneously. [4 points.]
 C) I can comfortably afford to take care of a yandere and myself simultaneously. Not only that, I'm also financially prepared for unforeseen accidents in the future, such as air conditioners and heaters breaking down, car accidents, unexpected medical and dental bills, and so on. [10 points.]

5. Yanderes are rare. How many hours per week are you willing to devote to finding a yandere in need of an owner? Think of this as if you're already spending time trying to find a yandere, and consider how much time you've spent doing so this week.
 A) Less than 14 hours a week, which is less than 2 hours every single day. [0 points.]
 B) Between 14 and 35 hours a week, which is between 2 to 5 hours every single day. [4 points.]
 C) Over 35 hours a week. [10 points.]

6. Forming a successful, long term relationship with a yandere has much in common with forming romantic relationships with non-yanderes, or "nonderes." How many years of experience do you have being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other?
 A) Altogether, I have less than 1 year of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [0 points.]
 B) Altogether, I have between 1 and 3 years of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [2 points.]
 C) Altogether, I have over 3 years of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [5 points.]

7. Which of the following most accurately describes you?
 A) I enjoy going out and partying sometimes. [0 points.]
 B) I would never go to a party, no matter what. [4 points.]
 C) I would only go to a party if I was invited by a close friend or family member, and I would most likely leave as quickly as I possibly could without drawing attention to myself. [10 points.]

8. You find a yandere that you're attracted to and they've taken an initial interest in you, but they let you know in advance that they've been sexually traumatized. Because of that, they're completely asexual, and nothing you say or do will ever change that, no matter what. The most intimate things they're willing to do include holding hands, hugging people for no more than two or three seconds, and light kisses on the cheek, forehead, and top of the head. How does this make you feel?
 A) If I'm going to be in a long term relationship, I have to have sex with that person eventually. Never having sex with them for my entire life is not an option! [0 points.]
 B) I'd slowly try to convince them to be more sexual over time. They're yandere, so they'll see things my way eventually, even if it takes awhile. [0 points.]
 C) I would accept them for who they are. I fully understand that if I enter into a committed relationship with them, I would never have sex with them or even passionately kiss them. In addition, I would never try circumventing this by cheating on them with another person. [10 points.]

9. How much experience do you have defusing emotionally charged situations and being sensitive to other people's wants and needs?
 A) If I have to be completely honest, I don't really care for stuff like that. If somebody has a problem, they should just get over it. If I've spent more than 60 seconds talking with someone about a problem they're having and they're just not getting it, then that's too bad. I shouldn't have even wasted my time trying to help them in the first place. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, that's when I would know to get out of that relationship; I can only handle so much craziness, and I'm not about to go to jail over my yandere trying to kill someone. In short, helping others is never my top priority unless I have something to gain from it or it's a close friend or immediate family member. [0 points.]

 B) I'm pretty okay at it. I usually spend around 10 to 30 minutes talking with friends about problems they're having. I'm not exactly the best at it, and sometimes, all I can do is shrug and tell them that I don't know what they should do, but I try my best to help anyway. My friends know they can count on me to try to help them, even if I don't always succeed. Sometimes, I even take time out of my day to help complete strangers without expecting anything in return. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, I would try to talk them out of it, but I'm not confident that I'd succeed, since they're a yandere and all. Yanderes are pretty obsessive, and I understand that when they set their mind to something, they almost always do it, so I doubt I could talk a yandere out of doing such a thing. In short, I care about helping others, but I'm not always the best at it. [4 points.]

 C) For either most or all of my life, my first or second priority has been to help those around me. If I had to make a list of the things I'm passionate about or my reasons for living, "Helping others" would be right at the top. I'm no stranger to spending over 6 hours straight helping the same person with the same problem. I can honestly say I've gone out and done volunteer work. I've gotten extremely good at helping people over the years. Almost every single time I've tried helping someone in the past decade, I've succeeded. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, I know for a fact that I could talk them out of it, even though yanderes are obsessive people who almost always carry out the goals they're obsessed with. I'm one hell of a negotiator. In short, I'm an expert when it comes to helping people with their problems and just as good at defusing sensitive situations. [10 points.]

10. For each of the following statements that are true about you, subtract the number of points stated.
 A) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I demonstrated double standards or hypocrisy, or somebody accused me of doing so, even if they were wrong. [2 points.]
 B) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I was unwilling to speak with someone who wanted to speak with me, or somebody accused me of being bad at communicating or ignoring them. [2 points.]
 C) Within the past 5 years, I've lied to someone for personal gain or lied to cover something up. [2 points.]
 D) Within the past 5 years, I have held a grudge, or somebody has accused me of holding grudges or being bad at forgiving others, or I admit that I am not a very forgiving person. [2 points.]
 E) Within the past 5 years, there's been a long period of time when I could have described myself as someone who's willing to argue about just about anything, if I know I'm right and the other person's wrong, or I always point out other people's mistakes. [2 points.]
 F) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I was happy to put someone down whom I considered to be a friend up until that moment or intentionally hurt the feelings of such a person, or I described myself as a bitch and I meant it. [5 points.]
 G) Within the past 5 years, I have screamed or yelled at someone, or thrown or damaged an object in anger. [5 points.]
 H) Within the past 5 years, I have seriously considered hitting a person in anger. [5 points.]
 I) Within the past 5 years, I have been in an argument with a friend or family member and called them names during the argument, or I was unnecessarily hostile or rude in other ways. [5 points.]
 J) Within the past 5 years, I have been accused of being passive aggressive or difficult to get along with, or I admit that I am on a regular or semi-regular basis. [5 points.]
 K) Within the past 5 years, I have hit another person in anger. [10 points.]
 L) I'm not willing to be in a relationship with someone whose interests, religious/paranormal beliefs, or political beliefs don't match up with my own. [10 points.]
 M) Within the past 10 years, I have cheated on someone, or I would be willing to in the future, or I regret having the opportunity to cheat at any point in the past and not taking it. [30 points.]

The maximum possible number of points for this test was 75. If you scored between 30 and 50, there's a strong chance that you should think about buying or fostering a different kind of pet, or improving yourself so that you can score higher on this quiz. By doing so, you'll be able to do a better job of providing a loving, nurturing environment for any future yanderes in your life. For those of you who scored 25 or lower, I can say with absolute certainty that you should never try to take care of a yandere; please look into owning some other kind of pet instead, and certainly not a high maintenance one! Perhaps a virtual pet, or a pet rock.

If you're confused by the way any of the answers were weighted, what bearing some of the questions had in determining one's compatibility with a yandere, or anything else for that matter, feel free to leave a comment below. I respond to all comments as soon as I see them.

Continued in part two.

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Another yandere misconception.

Two of the most common questions I see about yanderes are "Why would anyone like them?" and "Won't you just wind up being murdered or something?" I can understand where this mentality comes from. In the minds of most people who are vaguely familiar with the term "yandere," the only trait of a yandere is that they're apparently bloodthirsty. This is no surprise, since one character murdering another has more shock value and, as a result, a longer lasting impression on anyone who views that scene. Another reason that people only think of violence and bloodshed when they read "yandere" is that it's easier to define someone based on their actions, which you can see with your own eyes, rather than their inner emotions and thought processes, which sometimes aren't explored at all.

It seems to be easy for most people to forget all about the "dere" part of the term, and in order to clear up the confusion surrounding the two questions above, I'm here to remind you of it. In real life, obsessive lovers can be reasoned with - this is reason number one why you shouldn't expect a yandere to murder their significant other, herein referred to as SO for convenience's sake. The yandere can almost certainly be talked out of it by their SO; if the yandere in question is willing to listen to anyone, it's the target of their affection.

In addition, there are only two situations (that aren't so rare that they're outliers) in which someone could have a yandere SO who wanted to kill them badly enough to act on those thoughts in the first place. The first is that the person in the relationship (for convenience's sake, let's call them P1) messed up on an astronomical scale. P1 went out with someone, knowing full well that they're a yandere, and yet P1 decided to do something unforgivable, such as cheat on their yandere partner (herein referred to as P2 for convenience's sake).

The second situation is that P2 simply wants to kill P1 by default, regardless of whether or not P1 does anything wrong. Despite what non-yanderes (or "nonderes") may think, this is actually very uncommon among yanderes, as explained in detail in this blog's first yandere misconception post. All of the reasons explained in that post do a satisfactory job of explaining why P2 - an average person who considers themself a yandere in real life - won't want to kill P1 - their SO - but there's even more to it than all the reasons explored in that post. Yet another reason is that we don't live in a fantasy world in which our actions have no consequences.

This is something that nearly everyone on Earth understands. Even the vast majority of people who are mentally ill are able to recognize that if you place your hand in a fire, you'll be burned. Murdering isn't all that different, in that regard. People recognize that they would most likely be imprisoned for life or be executed if they were to commit murder, so they don't murder anyone. And although some people who think of themself as a yandere like to boast about how they'd kill people under certain circumstances, at the end of the day, these are virtually always the words of teenagers on the internet who are acting out for attention - not something to be taken seriously. This is yet another reason to add to the pile which explains why it's unreasonable to expect P2 to murder P1.

If you need to see even more reasons why that "don't yanderes kill their SO?" line of thinking is incorrect, I encourage you to look back on the first yandere misconception post, linked here. Finally, to address the "Why would anyone like a yandere?" question, here's a list of reasons which don't even account for nondere reasons, such as "I think this specific person (who happens to be a yandere) is physically attractive."

1: To be with someone who's all but guaranteed not to cheat on you.
2: For some people, being on the receiving end of obsessive love feels wonderful. Knowing that someone loves you that intensely can feel fulfilling.
3: For other yanderes, one reason is to be with someone who can love them back just as much as they love their SO.
4: Some people just want someone to take care of or support, and who better than someone who needs to be loved as desperately as a yandere does?
5: Some people would like to have an SO who loves them unconditionally, or nearly unconditionally. A yandere is one of the only types of people who's capable of meeting that need.

Is there something I haven't considered about this topic? Would you like to offer a correction? Got an idea for another yandere subject you'd like to read about? Whatever the reason, feel free to leave a comment below!

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