Raising a healthy yandere, part one - is a yandere right for you?

Like many pets, yanderes require a great number of things to survive and thrive, no matter what kind of yandere is being discussed. Before buying or fostering a yandere, it's important to not only consider its physical needs - such as what it will eat and drink, whether it will be an indoor or outdoor yandere, and so on - but its emotional needs as well. This is where many yandere owners fall short. All too often, yanderes seem to be part of an acceptable household at a glance, but if you interview their owners, you'd be shocked by how little care they receive. This guide's primary aim is to rectify that through education, for the mutual benefit of yanderes and their owners. So, let's get started!

One question that many potential yandere owners never ask themselves is, "Is a yandere right for me?" In most cases, people seek out yanderes in the hopes of filling an emotional void without giving much thought to alternative pets. A cat owner, for example, would probably never spare a thought to going out and buying a lizard instead of a second cat. This is, perhaps, the most critical phase of owning a yandere: figuring out if a yandere is right for you. Yanderes are rarely kept as pets, and for good reason - they're notoriously difficult to take care of, and as uncommon as they are, it's equally uncommon to find someone who's equipped to properly care for one.

Are you such a person? Let's find out through a Q&A. Add up the number of points next to each answer you select as you go through this. Some answers will be weighted more heavily than others.

1. How many hours of experience do you have dealing with yanderes in which you did not feel stress or other negative feelings?
 A) Less than 25. [0 points.]
 B) Between 25 and 100. [2 points.]
 C) Over 100. [5 points.]

2. How many hours per day are you happy to set aside for your yandere? (Not just how many you're potentially able to: how many hours you will gladly set aside for them!)
 A) Less than 6 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [0 points.]
 B) Between 6 and 10 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [4 points.]
 C) Over 10 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [10 points.]

3. How do you feel about yanderes?
 A) They're pretty okay. I like them, I guess. [0 points.]
 B) I love them! I mean, I've never actually owned one or interacted with one for more than a few minutes at a time, and I'm no expert on them or anything, but there's a first time for everything, right? [0 points.]
 C) I love them! I have at least 25 hours of experience owning one or interacting with one without feeling stress or other negative feelings, and I've spent at least 5 hours studying and reading about them. Most of my knowledge on them is based on theory, but I do have some hands-on experience, and I think they're right for me! [2 points.]
 D) I love them! I have at least 100 hours of experience owning one or interacting with one without feeling stress or other negative feelings, and I've spent at least 10 hours studying and reading about them. Most of my knowledge on them is based on practical experience, and I know for a fact that they're right for me! [5 points.]
 E) Few people on Earth can claim to understand them as well as I do. I am one. [5 points.]

4. Are you able to financially support another living being who would cost only half as much to take care of as yourself? (For example, if your monthly expenses - including rent, groceries - etc. cost you $1,000 a month, consider whether or not you can afford to increase that to $1,500 a month.)
 A) No; I'm dependent on others for financial support myself, or I can only afford to support myself. [0 points.]
 B) Possibly; I understand that taking on more hours at work or getting a second job is not an option, due to how much attention yanderes require. But if I stop spending money on some things, like fast food, cigarettes, alcohol, etc, I think I can afford to take care of a yandere and myself simultaneously. [4 points.]
 C) I can comfortably afford to take care of a yandere and myself simultaneously. Not only that, I'm also financially prepared for unforeseen accidents in the future, such as air conditioners and heaters breaking down, car accidents, unexpected medical and dental bills, and so on. [10 points.]

5. Yanderes are rare. How many hours per week are you willing to devote to finding a yandere in need of an owner? Think of this as if you're already spending time trying to find a yandere, and consider how much time you've spent doing so this week.
 A) Less than 14 hours a week, which is less than 2 hours every single day. [0 points.]
 B) Between 14 and 35 hours a week, which is between 2 to 5 hours every single day. [4 points.]
 C) Over 35 hours a week. [10 points.]

6. Forming a successful, long term relationship with a yandere has much in common with forming romantic relationships with non-yanderes, or "nonderes." How many years of experience do you have being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other?
 A) Altogether, I have less than 1 year of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [0 points.]
 B) Altogether, I have between 1 and 3 years of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [2 points.]
 C) Altogether, I have over 3 years of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [5 points.]

7. Which of the following most accurately describes you?
 A) I enjoy going out and partying sometimes. [0 points.]
 B) I would never go to a party, no matter what. [4 points.]
 C) I would only go to a party if I was invited by a close friend or family member, and I would most likely leave as quickly as I possibly could without drawing attention to myself. [10 points.]

8. You find a yandere that you're attracted to and they've taken an initial interest in you, but they let you know in advance that they've been sexually traumatized. Because of that, they're completely asexual, and nothing you say or do will ever change that, no matter what. The most intimate things they're willing to do include holding hands, hugging people for no more than two or three seconds, and light kisses on the cheek, forehead, and top of the head. How does this make you feel?
 A) If I'm going to be in a long term relationship, I have to have sex with that person eventually. Never having sex with them for my entire life is not an option! [0 points.]
 B) I'd slowly try to convince them to be more sexual over time. They're yandere, so they'll see things my way eventually, even if it takes awhile. [0 points.]
 C) I would accept them for who they are. I fully understand that if I enter into a committed relationship with them, I would never have sex with them or even passionately kiss them. In addition, I would never try circumventing this by cheating on them with another person. [10 points.]

9. How much experience do you have defusing emotionally charged situations and being sensitive to other people's wants and needs?
 A) If I have to be completely honest, I don't really care for stuff like that. If somebody has a problem, they should just get over it. If I've spent more than 60 seconds talking with someone about a problem they're having and they're just not getting it, then that's too bad. I shouldn't have even wasted my time trying to help them in the first place. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, that's when I would know to get out of that relationship; I can only handle so much craziness, and I'm not about to go to jail over my yandere trying to kill someone. In short, helping others is never my top priority unless I have something to gain from it or it's a close friend or immediate family member. [0 points.]

 B) I'm pretty okay at it. I usually spend around 10 to 30 minutes talking with friends about problems they're having. I'm not exactly the best at it, and sometimes, all I can do is shrug and tell them that I don't know what they should do, but I try my best to help anyway. My friends know they can count on me to try to help them, even if I don't always succeed. Sometimes, I even take time out of my day to help complete strangers without expecting anything in return. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, I would try to talk them out of it, but I'm not confident that I'd succeed, since they're a yandere and all. Yanderes are pretty obsessive, and I understand that when they set their mind to something, they almost always do it, so I doubt I could talk a yandere out of doing such a thing. In short, I care about helping others, but I'm not always the best at it. [4 points.]

 C) For either most or all of my life, my first or second priority has been to help those around me. If I had to make a list of the things I'm passionate about or my reasons for living, "Helping others" would be right at the top. I'm no stranger to spending over 6 hours straight helping the same person with the same problem. I can honestly say I've gone out and done volunteer work. I've gotten extremely good at helping people over the years. Almost every single time I've tried helping someone in the past decade, I've succeeded. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, I know for a fact that I could talk them out of it, even though yanderes are obsessive people who almost always carry out the goals they're obsessed with. I'm one hell of a negotiator. In short, I'm an expert when it comes to helping people with their problems and just as good at defusing sensitive situations. [10 points.]

10. For each of the following statements that are true about you, subtract the number of points stated.
 A) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I demonstrated double standards or hypocrisy, or somebody accused me of doing so, even if they were wrong. [2 points.]
 B) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I was unwilling to speak with someone who wanted to speak with me, or somebody accused me of being bad at communicating or ignoring them. [2 points.]
 C) Within the past 5 years, I've lied to someone for personal gain or lied to cover something up. [2 points.]
 D) Within the past 5 years, I have held a grudge, or somebody has accused me of holding grudges or being bad at forgiving others, or I admit that I am not a very forgiving person. [2 points.]
 E) Within the past 5 years, there's been a long period of time when I could have described myself as someone who's willing to argue about just about anything, if I know I'm right and the other person's wrong, or I always point out other people's mistakes. [2 points.]
 F) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I was happy to put someone down whom I considered to be a friend up until that moment or intentionally hurt the feelings of such a person, or I described myself as a bitch and I meant it. [5 points.]
 G) Within the past 5 years, I have screamed or yelled at someone, or thrown or damaged an object in anger. [5 points.]
 H) Within the past 5 years, I have seriously considered hitting a person in anger. [5 points.]
 I) Within the past 5 years, I have been in an argument with a friend or family member and called them names during the argument, or I was unnecessarily hostile or rude in other ways. [5 points.]
 J) Within the past 5 years, I have been accused of being passive aggressive or difficult to get along with, or I admit that I am on a regular or semi-regular basis. [5 points.]
 K) Within the past 5 years, I have hit another person in anger. [10 points.]
 L) I'm not willing to be in a relationship with someone whose interests, religious/paranormal beliefs, or political beliefs don't match up with my own. [10 points.]
 M) Within the past 10 years, I have cheated on someone, or I would be willing to in the future, or I regret having the opportunity to cheat at any point in the past and not taking it. [30 points.]

The maximum possible number of points for this test was 75. If you scored between 30 and 50, there's a strong chance that you should think about buying or fostering a different kind of pet, or improving yourself so that you can score higher on this quiz. By doing so, you'll be able to do a better job of providing a loving, nurturing environment for any future yanderes in your life. For those of you who scored 25 or lower, I can say with absolute certainty that you should never try to take care of a yandere; please look into owning some other kind of pet instead, and certainly not a high maintenance one! Perhaps a virtual pet, or a pet rock.

If you're confused by the way any of the answers were weighted, what bearing some of the questions had in determining one's compatibility with a yandere, or anything else for that matter, feel free to leave a comment below. I respond to all comments as soon as I see them.

Continued in part two.