Raising a healthy yandere, part three - the right yandere for you.

Continued from part two.

Let's assume that you've found a potential yandere to adopt as a pet, hereby referred to as a prospect. What should you do next? First things first, you need to make sure that adopting this yandere is legal. As mentioned in the last part of this guide, you need to determine the age of anyone you consider a prospect, and if the information on their profile(s) isn't making it clear, then you should ask them directly. The sooner you learn how old they are, the better. If there's an age gap which would make things creepy, it's time to cut your losses and move on. I understand that creepiness in general may be seen as an endearing trait to some people who would like to have a pet yandere, but hopefully these people can understand that crossing legal boundaries by attempting to own an underage one is absolutely unacceptable.

Moving on with the initial assumption: let's say that you've found a prospect and there are no legal complications. Your next step is to find out what they look like. You've already determined that you're probably attracted to them for their personality, so now you need to learn if you're attracted to the rest of them, such as their appearance and interests. Of course, you'll also need to learn if your spiritual beliefs are compatible with theirs (and if not, can you handle how often they bring theirs up? Or do they keep their beliefs to themself? And what about you - how important is it to you that they share the same beliefs as you?), and you'll need to figure out if two of you are compatible in other areas of your life. Think of how often you interact with friends and family in real life. If your prospect somehow moved in tomorrow, how would they react to you spending as much time with your friends and family as you do now? How would they fit into your lifestyle?

The name of the game is compatibility. Not all yanderes are made equally, and you need to figure out how much you're willing to compromise in order to keep one as a pet. They don't exactly grow on trees, so if you're lucky enough to find one, you must ask yourself: "Are the unpleasant aspects of this yandere - such as our disagreements on religious matters - bad enough that I can't love them, or am I willing to love them despite what I see as negative traits?" If you need to stop and think about it for more than a minute, chances are that your love for them wouldn't be unwavering enough to make for a stable relationship, and you would only be setting yourself up for inevitable failure. Another thing to consider is, "They have flaws, just like I do and everybody else does. Am I going to try to love them in the hopes that they'll change for the better over time?"

If so: you're not going to love them for who they are. You're going to fall in love with a made up image of who you want them to be in your head, months or years down the road. If they fail to live up to that expectation, again, the relationship will fail and end in mutual heartbreak, which I'm sure neither of you would want. And, just like in the point before this one, if you have to stop and ask yourself if you could keep loving them five years from now if they haven't changed one bit, you probably don't care about them strongly enough for your relationship with them to be stable or long-lasting - you care more about the person you want them to be for you. If you can't accept your prospect for who they are now, it would be in both of your best interests for you to move along and disregard thinking of them as a prospect as soon as possible.

And there are countless other aspects to consider. Do they smoke, drink, or do drugs? If so, are you alright with that? Does any aspect of who they are or how they treat you or others make you uncomfortable or distraught? Do they seemingly try to make you feel bad about who you are, what you want to do with your life, or anything else? Do they only initiate conversations with you so they can dump emotional baggage on you, or talk about themself? Outside of those times, does it seem like you're always the one initiating conversations, or you're putting in all the effort trying to get to know them, and they don't reciprocate? Similarly, do you notice that you give them gifts and other signs of affection regularly, but they never reciprocate?

Do you go out of your way to make time for them, but they never make time for you? Do they frequently ignore you without ever saying why? Would they remain loyal to you if you were in an accident and gained some significant scars on your face, or if you were in an accident and lost all your money to pay for the bills? Do you feel like you can't really be yourself around them? In question 10 in the first part of this guide, how many points would they have lost due to their negative traits? The list of aspects you should consider goes on and on. Some of these traits would indicate that the "yandere" you found isn't really a yandere at all, if you experienced them after things progressed to a romantic relationship. There's not a yandere alive who would intentionally ignore their owner on a routine basis. That's the very antithesis of a yandere!

In any case, the person who will have the best understanding of whether or not a specific yandere is compatible with you is you, yourself. All of the above should just be a framework to reference, not a strict checklist to follow when deciding if someone could be a prospect or more than that.

Now, let's assume that you've followed the steps in parts one and two of this guide to the best of your ability, but you still haven't found a yandere. That's okay. You can follow those steps for months on end without having any luck. As is often said in yandere communities, "Don't try finding them; they'll find you," and that's true in some cases. Many yanderes have enough sense to know that they have to keep their mental illnesses to themself and behave normally around others as often as possible. Because of this, you could have passed by an untold number of yanderes throughout your life without even realizing it. If they take an interest in you, it's likely that they'll inadvertently reveal to you that they're a yandere, and probably sooner rather than later. Still, being proactive in your search only strengthens your chances of succeeding, so I encourage you to do so.

To be concluded in part four.

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Raising a healthy yandere, part two - finding a yandere.

Continued from part one.

If you've completed the quiz in part one and still think a yandere's the perfect pet for you, you may be wondering, "Where do I find one?" If so, you've come to the right place. For many of the reasons listed in this three part post, you're far more likely to find yanderes online than in the real world. Low self-esteem plays a tremendous role in keeping people indoors and online, and yanderes are no exception. Also, by disassociating from their identity in the real world and creating an anonymous or semi-anonymous persona for themself, people feel more freedom to express their innermost feelings. While social etiquette might stop someone from making an offensive joke around their coworkers, a lack of consequences can compel them to do so on the internet, just as a yandere can feel free to behave however they want (within reason) over the same medium.

Three more reasons why yanderes are more likely to be found on the websites you visit than the street you live on are the added resources at their disposal, the ability to start over again if things go wrong, and because they're often shunned in the real world. Starting with the first reason: by using search engines like google and other tools, anyone - including yanderes - is able to look up information on the people they've taken an interest in, and what stalker doesn't want to learn more about their target? Moving on to the second: if a yandere botches things on the internet, they don't have to stress about it too much - instead, they can just make a new identity for themself in the same community they were a part of. In the real world, if their friends ever found out how obsessive or deranged they were, there would likely be no recovering from that, socially speaking.

And wrapping up the reasoning behind the third reason: as pointed out and explained in several posts before this one, such as the three part series linked earlier, yanderes don't always do a very good job of coping with everyday life outside the internet. In many cases, that's a factor in them becoming yanderes in the first place. So, when they have the option of being somewhere that makes them uncomfortable - the real world - or on the internet, where they can do virtually anything they want and have complete control over who interacts with them, for how long, and what methods those people use to interact with them - I.E. emails, instant messages, voice chats, video chats, etc. - it's easy to see why they, like so many other people, would choose the internet over interactions in person.

This is not to say that you won't find any yanderes walking the streets. You'll just have a much higher chance of success online. Now that we've firmly established that (without even going over many of the other reasons why this is true): where, specifically, should you look for a yandere on the internet? There are a few different, correct, general answers to this question, and the first is: anywhere that's crowded. Your facebooks, your twitters, your reddits. Any website which has anywhere from millions of users to over a billion users and allows them to contact one another, preferably - but not necessarily - over private messages. Real yanderes are incredibly uncommon creatures, and if you intend to find one somewhere in the depths of the internet, you'll need to cast a wide net.

Or will you? The second correct, general answer to where you should look for yanderes online is: anywhere that claims to have them. Right now, you can hop on google, search for "yandere community," and join one in under five minutes. From there, it's just a matter of getting to know people and figuring out if any of them are a yandere. This can relate to the first answer, in that you can search facebook's groups for a yandere group to join, reddit for a yandere subreddit to join, and so on. But I'll warn you in advance: once again, for reasons listed in this post and several others, fans of yanderes are underage, more often than not. Whether you're a teenager or an adult who's looking for a yandere, you should always inquire about the age of possible yanderes you speak with.

If you're a teen who has no problem with having another teenage yandere as a pet, there's still a major problem. As a minor, the odds of you being financially independent enough to support yourself and a yandere are beyond one in a million. For this significant reason alone, you should only consider adopting a pet yandere once you're an adult. Focusing on this task from the point of view of an adult seeking an adult yandere, you should be aware that by early adulthood - typically from ages 19 to 24, give or take a year or two - yanderes "grow out of it" for many reasons, not least of which is that they've lived long enough to enter into more romantic relationships and gained more confidence in their ability to have more of them in the future, without needing to be clingy.

In some cases, yanderes mellow out and become less obsessive in early adulthood due to puberty ending, and in other cases, by the time they become an adult or have lived the life of one for a few years, they've been hurt by enough people to stop feeling clingy toward the people they care about, or they finally stop caring about others. This is normal for those who grow to distrust people over time, since they think they'll only end up being hurt again. Yet another reason is that, by early adulthood, some yanderes think - and accept - that they won't be in a relationship for the rest of their lives. For the purposes of this discussion, whether they're right about that or not is irrelevant. What matters is how it impacts their outlook on relationships. I probably don't have to tell you that someone who sincerely thinks they'll never be in another relationship spends little or no time seeking one out, and is far from clingy or yandere.

In other words: for a large number of reasons (some of which haven't even been covered), being a yandere is just a phase for most teens and young adults. This is another good reason to only seek out an adult yandere. If you truly want one, then chances are that you want one for life, not a yandere who will cease to be one within a couple of years. With this in mind, let's look at a third correct answer to "where should I look for yanderes?" Anywhere that people are likely to write about themselves in detail. If someone points out on their profile that they're a little psychotic, clingy, or needy sometimes, then you may have stumbled across a yandere. For this reason, dating sites would be perfect, if not for their lack of yanderes. You can spend hours reading five hundred consecutive profiles without finding one. (And if you're desperate enough to actually do that: congratulations! You may be a yandere yourself.)

You may be surprised by how heavily cluttered dating sites are with seemingly ordinary people. From match.com to okcupid and every dating site in-between, yanderes are out there, but they're rare. But if you're willing to put in the time and effort to try finding one and keep the three bolded principles in mind when looking, then it will only be a matter of time until you succeed. You may even succeed just by going about your daily life and being lucky enough to meet one by chance, but why laze about in the hopes of that happening when it's so unlikely? You may as well bolster your odds of finding a yandere by being proactive about it. To recap where to find yanderes online:

1: Anywhere that's crowded.
2: Anywhere that claims to have them.
3: And anywhere that people are likely to write about themselves in detail.

And here's a brief list of some specific sites and communities you can consider checking out:

Any dating site. Search for words like "yandere," "clingy," or "needy" if the site you check has a search feature.
Any small yandere communities you find via google, such as forums that revolve around the discussion of yanderes.
Deviantart - search for the word "yandere" to find works of art with "yandere" in the title or description. If you notice that someone has drawn a great deal of yandere pictures instead of only one, you may be onto something. Otherwise, probably not.
Facebook - search for the word "yandere" to find yandere groups and people with "yandere" in their name.
Reddit - search for the word "yandere" to find yandere subreddits and submissions with "yandere" in their title.
Steam - search for the word "yandere" to find both yandere groups and individuals with the word "yandere" either in their name or elsewhere on their profile.
Tumblr - search for the word "yandere" and people with "yandere" in their URL.
Twitter - search for the word "yandere."

Know of another site I should add which has at least one million users? Let me know!

Continued in part three.

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Raising a healthy yandere, part one - is a yandere right for you?

Like many pets, yanderes require a great number of things to survive and thrive, no matter what kind of yandere is being discussed. Before buying or fostering a yandere, it's important to not only consider its physical needs - such as what it will eat and drink, whether it will be an indoor or outdoor yandere, and so on - but its emotional needs as well. This is where many yandere owners fall short. All too often, yanderes seem to be part of an acceptable household at a glance, but if you interview their owners, you'd be shocked by how little care they receive. This guide's primary aim is to rectify that through education, for the mutual benefit of yanderes and their owners. So, let's get started!

One question that many potential yandere owners never ask themselves is, "Is a yandere right for me?" In most cases, people seek out yanderes in the hopes of filling an emotional void without giving much thought to alternative pets. A cat owner, for example, would probably never spare a thought to going out and buying a lizard instead of a second cat. This is, perhaps, the most critical phase of owning a yandere: figuring out if a yandere is right for you. Yanderes are rarely kept as pets, and for good reason - they're notoriously difficult to take care of, and as uncommon as they are, it's equally uncommon to find someone who's equipped to properly care for one.

Are you such a person? Let's find out through a Q&A. Add up the number of points next to each answer you select as you go through this. Some answers will be weighted more heavily than others.

1. How many hours of experience do you have dealing with yanderes in which you did not feel stress or other negative feelings?
 A) Less than 25. [0 points.]
 B) Between 25 and 100. [2 points.]
 C) Over 100. [5 points.]

2. How many hours per day are you happy to set aside for your yandere? (Not just how many you're potentially able to: how many hours you will gladly set aside for them!)
 A) Less than 6 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [0 points.]
 B) Between 6 and 10 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [4 points.]
 C) Over 10 hours per day, every day for the rest of my life. [10 points.]

3. How do you feel about yanderes?
 A) They're pretty okay. I like them, I guess. [0 points.]
 B) I love them! I mean, I've never actually owned one or interacted with one for more than a few minutes at a time, and I'm no expert on them or anything, but there's a first time for everything, right? [0 points.]
 C) I love them! I have at least 25 hours of experience owning one or interacting with one without feeling stress or other negative feelings, and I've spent at least 5 hours studying and reading about them. Most of my knowledge on them is based on theory, but I do have some hands-on experience, and I think they're right for me! [2 points.]
 D) I love them! I have at least 100 hours of experience owning one or interacting with one without feeling stress or other negative feelings, and I've spent at least 10 hours studying and reading about them. Most of my knowledge on them is based on practical experience, and I know for a fact that they're right for me! [5 points.]
 E) Few people on Earth can claim to understand them as well as I do. I am one. [5 points.]

4. Are you able to financially support another living being who would cost only half as much to take care of as yourself? (For example, if your monthly expenses - including rent, groceries - etc. cost you $1,000 a month, consider whether or not you can afford to increase that to $1,500 a month.)
 A) No; I'm dependent on others for financial support myself, or I can only afford to support myself. [0 points.]
 B) Possibly; I understand that taking on more hours at work or getting a second job is not an option, due to how much attention yanderes require. But if I stop spending money on some things, like fast food, cigarettes, alcohol, etc, I think I can afford to take care of a yandere and myself simultaneously. [4 points.]
 C) I can comfortably afford to take care of a yandere and myself simultaneously. Not only that, I'm also financially prepared for unforeseen accidents in the future, such as air conditioners and heaters breaking down, car accidents, unexpected medical and dental bills, and so on. [10 points.]

5. Yanderes are rare. How many hours per week are you willing to devote to finding a yandere in need of an owner? Think of this as if you're already spending time trying to find a yandere, and consider how much time you've spent doing so this week.
 A) Less than 14 hours a week, which is less than 2 hours every single day. [0 points.]
 B) Between 14 and 35 hours a week, which is between 2 to 5 hours every single day. [4 points.]
 C) Over 35 hours a week. [10 points.]

6. Forming a successful, long term relationship with a yandere has much in common with forming romantic relationships with non-yanderes, or "nonderes." How many years of experience do you have being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other?
 A) Altogether, I have less than 1 year of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [0 points.]
 B) Altogether, I have between 1 and 3 years of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [2 points.]
 C) Altogether, I have over 3 years of experience being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or other form of significant other. [5 points.]

7. Which of the following most accurately describes you?
 A) I enjoy going out and partying sometimes. [0 points.]
 B) I would never go to a party, no matter what. [4 points.]
 C) I would only go to a party if I was invited by a close friend or family member, and I would most likely leave as quickly as I possibly could without drawing attention to myself. [10 points.]

8. You find a yandere that you're attracted to and they've taken an initial interest in you, but they let you know in advance that they've been sexually traumatized. Because of that, they're completely asexual, and nothing you say or do will ever change that, no matter what. The most intimate things they're willing to do include holding hands, hugging people for no more than two or three seconds, and light kisses on the cheek, forehead, and top of the head. How does this make you feel?
 A) If I'm going to be in a long term relationship, I have to have sex with that person eventually. Never having sex with them for my entire life is not an option! [0 points.]
 B) I'd slowly try to convince them to be more sexual over time. They're yandere, so they'll see things my way eventually, even if it takes awhile. [0 points.]
 C) I would accept them for who they are. I fully understand that if I enter into a committed relationship with them, I would never have sex with them or even passionately kiss them. In addition, I would never try circumventing this by cheating on them with another person. [10 points.]

9. How much experience do you have defusing emotionally charged situations and being sensitive to other people's wants and needs?
 A) If I have to be completely honest, I don't really care for stuff like that. If somebody has a problem, they should just get over it. If I've spent more than 60 seconds talking with someone about a problem they're having and they're just not getting it, then that's too bad. I shouldn't have even wasted my time trying to help them in the first place. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, that's when I would know to get out of that relationship; I can only handle so much craziness, and I'm not about to go to jail over my yandere trying to kill someone. In short, helping others is never my top priority unless I have something to gain from it or it's a close friend or immediate family member. [0 points.]

 B) I'm pretty okay at it. I usually spend around 10 to 30 minutes talking with friends about problems they're having. I'm not exactly the best at it, and sometimes, all I can do is shrug and tell them that I don't know what they should do, but I try my best to help anyway. My friends know they can count on me to try to help them, even if I don't always succeed. Sometimes, I even take time out of my day to help complete strangers without expecting anything in return. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, I would try to talk them out of it, but I'm not confident that I'd succeed, since they're a yandere and all. Yanderes are pretty obsessive, and I understand that when they set their mind to something, they almost always do it, so I doubt I could talk a yandere out of doing such a thing. In short, I care about helping others, but I'm not always the best at it. [4 points.]

 C) For either most or all of my life, my first or second priority has been to help those around me. If I had to make a list of the things I'm passionate about or my reasons for living, "Helping others" would be right at the top. I'm no stranger to spending over 6 hours straight helping the same person with the same problem. I can honestly say I've gone out and done volunteer work. I've gotten extremely good at helping people over the years. Almost every single time I've tried helping someone in the past decade, I've succeeded. If I owned a yandere and they intended to carry out a plan to attack or kill someone they hate within the next 24 hours, I know for a fact that I could talk them out of it, even though yanderes are obsessive people who almost always carry out the goals they're obsessed with. I'm one hell of a negotiator. In short, I'm an expert when it comes to helping people with their problems and just as good at defusing sensitive situations. [10 points.]

10. For each of the following statements that are true about you, subtract the number of points stated.
 A) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I demonstrated double standards or hypocrisy, or somebody accused me of doing so, even if they were wrong. [2 points.]
 B) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I was unwilling to speak with someone who wanted to speak with me, or somebody accused me of being bad at communicating or ignoring them. [2 points.]
 C) Within the past 5 years, I've lied to someone for personal gain or lied to cover something up. [2 points.]
 D) Within the past 5 years, I have held a grudge, or somebody has accused me of holding grudges or being bad at forgiving others, or I admit that I am not a very forgiving person. [2 points.]
 E) Within the past 5 years, there's been a long period of time when I could have described myself as someone who's willing to argue about just about anything, if I know I'm right and the other person's wrong, or I always point out other people's mistakes. [2 points.]
 F) Within the past 5 years, there was a time when I was happy to put someone down whom I considered to be a friend up until that moment or intentionally hurt the feelings of such a person, or I described myself as a bitch and I meant it. [5 points.]
 G) Within the past 5 years, I have screamed or yelled at someone, or thrown or damaged an object in anger. [5 points.]
 H) Within the past 5 years, I have seriously considered hitting a person in anger. [5 points.]
 I) Within the past 5 years, I have been in an argument with a friend or family member and called them names during the argument, or I was unnecessarily hostile or rude in other ways. [5 points.]
 J) Within the past 5 years, I have been accused of being passive aggressive or difficult to get along with, or I admit that I am on a regular or semi-regular basis. [5 points.]
 K) Within the past 5 years, I have hit another person in anger. [10 points.]
 L) I'm not willing to be in a relationship with someone whose interests, religious/paranormal beliefs, or political beliefs don't match up with my own. [10 points.]
 M) Within the past 10 years, I have cheated on someone, or I would be willing to in the future, or I regret having the opportunity to cheat at any point in the past and not taking it. [30 points.]

The maximum possible number of points for this test was 75. If you scored between 30 and 50, there's a strong chance that you should think about buying or fostering a different kind of pet, or improving yourself so that you can score higher on this quiz. By doing so, you'll be able to do a better job of providing a loving, nurturing environment for any future yanderes in your life. For those of you who scored 25 or lower, I can say with absolute certainty that you should never try to take care of a yandere; please look into owning some other kind of pet instead, and certainly not a high maintenance one! Perhaps a virtual pet, or a pet rock.

If you're confused by the way any of the answers were weighted, what bearing some of the questions had in determining one's compatibility with a yandere, or anything else for that matter, feel free to leave a comment below. I respond to all comments as soon as I see them.

Continued in part two.

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Another yandere misconception.

Two of the most common questions I see about yanderes are "Why would anyone like them?" and "Won't you just wind up being murdered or something?" I can understand where this mentality comes from. In the minds of most people who are vaguely familiar with the term "yandere," the only trait of a yandere is that they're apparently bloodthirsty. This is no surprise, since one character murdering another has more shock value and, as a result, a longer lasting impression on anyone who views that scene. Another reason that people only think of violence and bloodshed when they read "yandere" is that it's easier to define someone based on their actions, which you can see with your own eyes, rather than their inner emotions and thought processes, which sometimes aren't explored at all.

It seems to be easy for most people to forget all about the "dere" part of the term, and in order to clear up the confusion surrounding the two questions above, I'm here to remind you of it. In real life, obsessive lovers can be reasoned with - this is reason number one why you shouldn't expect a yandere to murder their significant other, herein referred to as SO for convenience's sake. The yandere can almost certainly be talked out of it by their SO; if the yandere in question is willing to listen to anyone, it's the target of their affection.

In addition, there are only two situations (that aren't so rare that they're outliers) in which someone could have a yandere SO who wanted to kill them badly enough to act on those thoughts in the first place. The first is that the person in the relationship (for convenience's sake, let's call them P1) messed up on an astronomical scale. P1 went out with someone, knowing full well that they're a yandere, and yet P1 decided to do something unforgivable, such as cheat on their yandere partner (herein referred to as P2 for convenience's sake).

The second situation is that P2 simply wants to kill P1 by default, regardless of whether or not P1 does anything wrong. Despite what non-yanderes (or "nonderes") may think, this is actually very uncommon among yanderes, as explained in detail in this blog's first yandere misconception post. All of the reasons explained in that post do a satisfactory job of explaining why P2 - an average person who considers themself a yandere in real life - won't want to kill P1 - their SO - but there's even more to it than all the reasons explored in that post. Yet another reason is that we don't live in a fantasy world in which our actions have no consequences.

This is something that nearly everyone on Earth understands. Even the vast majority of people who are mentally ill are able to recognize that if you place your hand in a fire, you'll be burned. Murdering isn't all that different, in that regard. People recognize that they would most likely be imprisoned for life or be executed if they were to commit murder, so they don't murder anyone. And although some people who think of themself as a yandere like to boast about how they'd kill people under certain circumstances, at the end of the day, these are virtually always the words of teenagers on the internet who are acting out for attention - not something to be taken seriously. This is yet another reason to add to the pile which explains why it's unreasonable to expect P2 to murder P1.

If you need to see even more reasons why that "don't yanderes kill their SO?" line of thinking is incorrect, I encourage you to look back on the first yandere misconception post, linked here. Finally, to address the "Why would anyone like a yandere?" question, here's a list of reasons which don't even account for nondere reasons, such as "I think this specific person (who happens to be a yandere) is physically attractive."

1: To be with someone who's all but guaranteed not to cheat on you.
2: For some people, being on the receiving end of obsessive love feels wonderful. Knowing that someone loves you that intensely can feel fulfilling.
3: For other yanderes, one reason is to be with someone who can love them back just as much as they love their SO.
4: Some people just want someone to take care of or support, and who better than someone who needs to be loved as desperately as a yandere does?
5: Some people would like to have an SO who loves them unconditionally, or nearly unconditionally. A yandere is one of the only types of people who's capable of meeting that need.

Is there something I haven't considered about this topic? Would you like to offer a correction? Got an idea for another yandere subject you'd like to read about? Whatever the reason, feel free to leave a comment below!

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Yandere facfic2.

A woman was born in America, but moved to Italy. After about one year, she met a man who happened to come from the same region in America, who also moved to Italy. The two spent a lot of time together, but their meetings were kept a secret from the woman's overprotective father. Eventually he found out about the two of them and forbade his daughter from seeing or speaking to the man ever again. The man pursued the woman until she agreed to meet him again.

One day, while out drinking with her in a boarding house, he either got her very drunk or drugged her drink, and took advantage of her. The woman demanded that he marry her. He promised to do so, but only led her on for several months. She continued meeting him in the boarding house, hoping that the man would keep his word. She was understandably upset when he finally told her that he was ending their relationship and moving back to America.

The woman continued to demand that he marry her, but he was unable to; at this point, he revealed that he was already married to a different woman in America, had children with her, and was going to move back to America no matter what. Devastated, the woman asked her mother for advice about what she should do. Her mother confronted the man and demanded that he marry her daughter. He agreed that he would, but only if they paid him $200.

This occurred in the late 1800's, when $200 was a much heftier sum of money than it is today. In the morning, on the day that he was going to board a ship and return to America, the man sat in a saloon, playing poker. The woman entered the bar and the two of them argued for a short while. Their exchange ended when the man said "Only a pig can marry you!" The woman pulled out a straight razor and slashed his neck so quickly, he didn't have time to scream.

The woman ran out of the bar and the man followed her with both hands on his throat, spraying blood everywhere. He didn't make it very far before he fell to the ground, dead. After being placed in jail for many months and going through two separate trials - due to complaints about the fairness of the first trial since the jury didn't have a single American on it - she was allowed to appeal and was found not guilty due to mental illness over everything that had happened. She later married another man, who divorced her within a few years. Nothing is known about their lives afterward.

Did this story actually occur or did I make it up? I'll respond with the answer to the first person who comments on this post

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Yandere: fact or fiction?

Woman A lived in a small town in the middle of America. After being in a romantic relationship with Woman B for around seven years, things began to deteriorate. In 2007, while browsing myspace, Woman A met Woman C and quickly became infatuated with her. Before long, Woman A attempted to impress Woman C by telling her a wide variety of lies, including claiming to not only be a firefighter, but one of the firefighters on duty in New York City during the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks. Woman A, who was an alcoholic, also claimed to have liver cancer, and that her drinking and cancer would one day kill her. There were no limits to the lies Woman A would tell in order to make Woman C fall for her.

Eventually, the two girls met up to go out on a date without Woman B's knowledge. Woman C had been told that Woman A and Woman B were only roommates; she had no idea that they were much more than that. While out on a date, Woman A and Woman C went to a bowling alley, as well as a funeral home, where Woman A dramatically picked out her own coffin, once again pretending to have cancer for sympathy and positive attention. Later that night, they returned to Woman A's apartment and shared intimate relations. Within a day or two, Woman B was reported missing and discovered inside the trunk of her own vehicle, dead. It was soon determined that Woman A was the murderer through forensic evidence. This was backed by her eventual admission of lying during the investigation.

Did this story actually occur or did I make it up? I'll respond with the answer to the first person who comments on this post.

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Handling rejection - a yandere-friendly guide.

Even as a non-yandere (or "nondere"), I'm sure most people are familiar with how awful it feels to be rejected, not to mention the desire to get over that feeling and move on. I know things can seem hopeless in that situation, as if there's nothing you can do to make yourself feel better, but I'm here to tell you that that doesn't have to be the case. Whether you think of yourself as a fairly normal person, a yandere, or something in-between, it never hurts to learn new coping skills, which we're about to go over. If, by the time this is over, you're aware of some good ones that I've failed to list, feel free to let me know! My inbox is always open and comments on this blog are never disabled.

The first thing you need to focus on is remaining calm. It's always easier to handle emotional issues when you're relaxed. Here are many different websites which may help you relax. And here are several more websites which might help you. Consider getting something to drink, like water or tea, shouting into or punching a pillow, squeezing a stress ball or other soft object, or hugging something against your chest, like a pillow or a stuffed animal. Remember that you're safe and loved. Don't forget to breathe, and why not listen to some relaxing music you enjoy, too? Once you're feeling relaxed, it's time to move on to phase two:

Focusing on your hobbies and interests more than you already do. If there's one thing that helps people - even yanderes! - forget about a person they still care about, it's keeping their mind too preoccupied with other things to think about that person. It's only natural that the two things I'd recommend replacing those thoughts with are another person, and your hobbies or interests. Do you enjoy playing a specific video game? Dedicate more time to getting better at it. Is drawing your thing? Have fun looking up tutorials on how to use some of the buttons in your image-editing programs that you've never used before. Is cooking fun for you? Find new, more complicated recipes to try out.

Whatever you do, the goal is the same: keeping your mind occupied. When you're too busy focusing on something you love, there's no time to think about the things that cause you pain. This is why people are so prone to dwelling on these things when they're driving, washing dishes, taking a shower, trying to go to sleep, and at other times - the tasks they're doing at those times are so menial and require so little thought that their minds wander and inevitably land on their rejector as a topic to dwell on. When you're multi-tasking watching a streaming video online, playing a video game, and talking to three different friends all at the same time, there's no time to remember your rejector even exists.

Step three: at some point, you must accept that you've been rejected. This will likely be the hardest step for you to work on. You might think, "Of course I accept it! Now I just have to figure out what to do to get [him/her] back." If so: that's not accepting it. Accepting your rejection means embracing that it's permanent and moving on. Their rejection is likely for the best. If they felt the need to reject you, it's because they don't think the two of you are compatible for whatever reason(s). Because of that, you're better off without them. Trust me, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are. Now, think about a scenario in which you coerce your rejector into a relationship with you against their will - through blackmail, for example.

If you forced a relationship with them, do you really think they would be happy? The correct answer is "no." They'd prefer not to be in a relationship with you; going against that wish will only make them unhappier and less likely to be friendly and kind toward you. If you dislike how they're behaving now, when you're not in a relationship with them, I can guarantee that you'd loathe how they acted if you somehow managed to rope them into a relationship with you against their will. This is why it's for the best that you were rejected. Both of you are happier people for it. (Note that I said "happier," not "happy.")

"But maybe I could do something different that will make them like m-!" No. I'm not going to give anyone false hope about this. An average psychologist could do a better job of explaining this than a layman like myself ever could, but there's just something about first impressions and long-term impressions that remain permanent fixtures in people's minds. If you trip in front of your new boss, spill his coffee on his shirt, and knock over a pile of papers in his presence - all within the first five minutes of meeting him - there's a one hundred percent chance of him thinking of you as a klutz for months - if not years - to come, even if you're normally a very responsible individual.

If you give someone a bad impression once, chances are it's going to stick with them, either for a long time or permanently. I'm sure you can think of many times this has happened to you, or times when you've read or heard something from somebody that gave you a lasting, bad impression of them. It seems to be an innate part of human nature. This is likely how your rejector feels about you, to a degree; trying to force yourself on them will only worsen their impression of you. The only thing you can do is accept that your rejector will not go out with you.

Well, you can do more than that. That's what this guide is about, after all: going over your best options. For now, focus on the fact that it's a good thing that you were rejected. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you'll feel free to pursue relationships with other people - people who may not reject you, people who may want to be in a relationship with you. And believe it or not, yes, there are people out there who will want you, no matter what flaws you have. Most people have relationship-less periods which last for years; don't feel ashamed if you're stuck in that same rut. It's really only a matter of time until you find a new potential partner.

This brings us to step four: finding someone new to occupy your thoughts with. Another difficult step to perform if you're having trouble letting go of your rejector. If you're a nondere, this may not be necessary, but as a yandere, it's absolutely critical. If you're still having trouble letting go of your rejector, then tell yourself, "I'm not looking for a new [boy/girl]friend; I'm just looking for new friends." And if you keep at it long enough, one of these new friends you make will be likable enough that they'll take up your thoughts instead of your rejector. As for where to look for new friends: that's up to you. Think about your interests. If you're looking for a good friend, you'll need to have some amount of things in common. Finding a friend through a shared interest is a great jumping-off point.

For a list of websites and services you can use to make new friends, check out this post, scroll down to the paragraph that starts with the word "Facebook," and start reading from there. After that, it's just a matter of finding people with the same interests or joining groups or sub-sections of those websites that were founded to celebrate a specific hobby or interest. Remember: your ultimate goal is to find someone who makes you forget about your rejector, if you're a yandere or similar person who can't stop dwelling on the person who rejected you. I promise that it's possible to find someone who helps you forget about them. It's just a matter of time, persistence, and casting a wide net - joining many different websites and/or groups, to meet as many new people as you can as quickly as you can.

Finally, step A: counseling and medication. This step falls outside steps one through four, as it can be readily applied at any point in-between, much like step one. A counselor once told me that being counseled and receiving medication are like being given a bow and an arrow; they can both be used on their own, but are far more effective when used together. A counselor can show you a clear, productive, beneficial path to walk, but your mind may not be ready to take those steps, leaving you stuck in a rut. The right doses and combinations of medications can help you cope with reality, defeat your depression, and greatly diminish your obsession, but those chemicals can't advise you on where you should go or what you should do.

This is why I advise receiving both counseling and medication. I understand that not everyone can afford them and some people believe that they're nothing but useless quackery, so I'll try not to be too insistent on it. Still, I'd be lying if I said they're not worth looking into. If you live with your legal guardians and are battling depression, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, or any other problems, I urge you to work up the courage to ask them for help in receiving counseling and medication. You might be surprised by how willing they'll be to help you. And on that note, I encourage you to talk to your close, trusted friends about any problems you're experiencing, too! Family members and internet articles aren't the only things that can help you.

With these five major steps, anyone is capable of handling rejection, no matter how obsessive they may be.

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Yandere stories masterpost.

Looking to read about, watch, or listen to stories with fictional yanderes in them? You've come to the right place.
Note that some of the yandere characters in the following stories stretch the definition of what it means to be a yandere, and may not qualify as a "real yandere" in your opinion. Some of the following stories will also contain content not suitable for children.

(1a) after a link indicates that it's the first story in a series, with (1b) being the second in that series.
(2a) after a link indicates that it's the first story in a different series, with (2b) being the second in that series, and so on.
If you're aware of a connection between different series on this list that haven't been pointed out, or that the ordering of a series on this list is incorrect, please let me know!

=====
Anime
=====
http://myanimelist.net/anime/22199/Akame_ga_Kill!
http://myanimelist.net/anime/15085/Amnesia
http://myanimelist.net/anime/5081/Bakemonogatari (3a)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/11785/Haiyore!_Nyaruko-san
http://myanimelist.net/anime/21855/Hanamonogatari (3e)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/934/Higurashi_no_Naku_Koro_ni (2a)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/1889/Higurashi_no_Naku_Koro_ni_Kai (2b)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/21563/Kamigami_no_Asobi
http://myanimelist.net/anime/16023/Kuro_to_Kin_no_Hirakanai_Kagi.
http://myanimelist.net/anime/11761/Medaka_Box
http://myanimelist.net/anime/10620/Mirai_Nikki_%28TV%29 (1a)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/16762/Mirai_Nikki_Redial (1b)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/17074/Monogatari_Series%3A_Second_Season (3d)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/15689/Nekomonogatari:_Kuro (3c)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/11597/Nisemonogatari (3b)
http://myanimelist.net/anime/8769/Ore_no_Imouto_ga_Konnani_Kawaii_Wake_ga_Nai
http://myanimelist.net/anime/2476/School_Days
http://myanimelist.net/anime/23587/The_iDOLM@STER_Cinderella_Girls
http://myanimelist.net/anime/28025/Tsukimonogatari (3f)

And far too many more to list individually! Here's a longer list: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Yandere/AnimeAndManga

========
Audio CDs
========
http://myfigurecollection.net/item/122389
http://myfigurecollection.net/item/205810
http://myfigurecollection.net/item/206802
http://myfigurecollection.net/item/207716
https://soundcloud.com/jineof002/futari-no-himitsu (1a)
https://soundcloud.com/jineof002/futari-no-himitsu-9 (1b)
https://soundcloud.com/jineof002/futari-no-himitsu-10 (1c)
https://soundcloud.com/jineof002/futari-no-himitsu-11 (1d)
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Aisaresugite%20xx%20Sarechou
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Ani%20to%20Osananajimi
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Dark%20Night%20Princess
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Kankin%20Danshi
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Kyouai%20Catharsis
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Osananajimi%20no%20Kare%20-%20Kuro%20Route
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Otoko%20Tomodachi
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Yandere%20No%20Onna%20No%20Ko
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Yume%20Kare
Kareshi Miman
Oujisama no Neko
Sono Ai wa Yamai ni Itaru
Yuushin-sama no Junan - Akuma ni Suuhai sa Reru hen

=====
Manga
=====
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/clover_no_kuni_no_alice_bloody_twins
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/nejimaki_mano_san
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/nishikaidan_no_akuma
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/ouji_no_hakoniwa
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/oujitachi_wa_izonsuru
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/yoru_koi
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/100_perfect_girl
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/abide_in_the_wind
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/aishite_kudasai_sensei
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/akanai_tobira
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/atashi_wa_sore_wo_gaman_dekinai/v01/c002/ (Story number 2 only)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/akuma_wa_hohoemu (2c)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/black_peach_flower
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/bokura_no_koi_wa_shi_ni_itaru_yamai_no_you_de
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/cheese_in_the_trap
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/chou_yo_hana_yo
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/clover_no_kuni_no_alice_heart_no_kishi
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/conflict_lover/c004/ (Story number 4 only)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/desire_climax
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/die
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/doctor_du_ming
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/dounimo_naranai
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/flowers_of_evil
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/hadashi_de_bara_wo_fume
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/hana_wa_knife_o_mi_ni_matou
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/heart_to_give
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/hot_gimmick
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/itoshii_akuma (2b)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kare_kano
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/katekyo
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kawaii_akuma (2a)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kimi_wa_amai_amai
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kirai
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/koishii_akuma (2d)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kubera
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kyuuso_wa_cheese_no_yume_o_miru
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/metronome
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/mimitabu_no_riyuu
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/mirai_nikki (1a)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/mirai_nikki_mosaic (1c or 1d; either way is fine)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/mirai_nikki_paradox (1c or 1d; either way is fine)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/mirai_nikki_redial (1b)
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/misshitsu_no_rakuen
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/my_beast
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/ningyo_ga_fuchi
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/no_6
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/paperweight_eye
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/risou_no_kareshitachi
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/sakura_gari
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/shadow_of_visions
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/the_tarot_cafe
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/totally_captivated
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/visukiisu_no_akai_ningyou
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/watashi_no_megane_kun
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/youko_x_boku_ss
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/you_re_so_cool

=====
Movies
=====
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0291579    À la folie... pas du tout (He Loves Me... He Loves me Not)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0143213    Devil in the Flesh
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093010    Fatal Attraction
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100157    Misery
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1148204    Orphan
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067588    Play Misty for Me
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108174    So I Married an Axe Murderer
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0408236    Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0242527    The Hole
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1316536    The Loved Ones

===
Sites
===
http://yanderemales.blogspot.com    A yandere blog which focuses entirely on yandere males instead of females, and mostly recommends various games, audio CDs, manga, and anime.

Read more ...

Help resources.

A compilation of over one hundred help resources:
http://pastebin.com/dR57brcD
This mainly includes help for suicide prevention, reporting child abuse/pornography, fighting human trafficking, domestic abuse hotlines and websites you can use, and runaway hotlines and websites.

Another compilation of help resources:
https://www.tumblr.com/docs/en/counseling_prevention_resources
This is a comprehensive list of free hotlines you can call to discuss any problem whatsoever, in a large number of different countries and languages.

Many different reasons not to kill yourself:
http://i.imgur.com/SJv3ic8.png
http://i.imgur.com/niwM329.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/VrfS7W8.png
http://imgur.com/gallery/1kiW5ck
http://why-not-end-it.tumblr.com/suicidal
http://www.xojane.com/healthy/5-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-kill-yourself
http://imwiththeclouds.tumblr.com/post/38347319557/100-reasons-to-why-you-shouldnt-commit-suicide

Do you know of help resources I should add? If so, please inform me! I hope to expand this list over time.

Read more ...

A yandere misconception.

A month ago today, I saw a particular yandere image for at least the tenth time. Normally I don't mind seeing the same picture so many times, shared by so many different people - the problem was that the message in it was completely wrong, and I'm not a big fan of incorrect information being upheld and repeated as fact. I'd never seen anyone challenge it, and thanks to having an abundance of free time on that occasion and realizing that nobody else was going to point out all the problems with it, that was the time I finally decided to do so myself. What follows is that image, my explanation which debunks it, and a more reasonable, alternate image that could be used instead.

Whoops! This image mistakenly implies that it’s unreasonable to not want a yandere like Yuno to kill someone after they become that yandere’s boyfriend or girlfriend. To better understand why this image is fundamentally flawed, you first need to know which type of yandere is being discussed, and how different types of yandere’s minds work.

Virtually every yandere character can be broken down into one of two groups (if there’s enough canon information available about them): obsessive or possessive. An obsessive yandere’s goal is typically to be in a relationship with or win the affection of a specific person. This is the most common type of yandere, and this category encompasses such yanderes as Gasai Yuno, Esdeath, and Sakuma Mayu.

A possessive yandere’s goal is simply to be with the object of their affection - whether their target lives or dies is irrelevant to them, as long as the two of them are together. A possessive yandere usually thinks of their target as something like an object to be owned, even if it means owning their corpse as a way to “be with them forever.” Depending on how circumstances change, an obsessive yandere can turn into a possessive yandere, and vice versa. An example of this is Sengoku Nadeko.

This is another problem that makes the above image wrong, in addition to obsessive yanderes being the standard form of yandere. If a person says that they want a yandere girlfriend, then they’re unlikely to put that yandere girlfriend through a traumatic experience, such as telling her that they’ll never love her. Thus, she'll never become a possessive yandere and they'll never give her a reason to kill them. That person would know the risks that come with having a yandere girlfriend and do their best to keep her happy, because they would love her and would want to avoid being killed or harmed.

Yet another reason why this image is incorrect is because of the character that was used for it. If the yandere girlfriend in question was the fictional character in this image, it makes no sense to imply that everyone should expect her to try to kill the person she loves at the drop of a hat. She risked death an incredible number of times to save the life of the person she loved. That alone is undeniable proof of her desire to keep him alive, not kill him, but there’s even more to it than that.

There are major mirai nikki spoilers in the following two paragraphs. Ignore these next two paragraphs if you don’t want to see any spoilers.

For those who say, “But she tried to kill him (for a very short time)!” you’re forgetting or ignoring the context of the image. In the image, all that’s presumed is that someone wants a yandere girlfriend, not to participate in the survival game with Yuno. Since that person would never have to go through the survival game with her, they would never have to go through that brief time where she tried attacking the person she loved in order to save the universe, so that’s out.

Next, for those who say, “But she tricked Yukki into killing himself in the first world!” again, you're either forgetting or choosing to ignore her intention. As is made clear in the story: it was for the purpose of saving the universe and bringing him back to life. She did it because she thought it was her only option to keep him alive. And ultimately, she intentionally killed herself so that he could live in the world he belonged in, knowing it meant that she’d die and, as such, never see him again.

This is obviously someone who is extremely, selflessly devoted to the survival of the person she loves, as the vast majority of yanderes are. It’s no wonder she’s indisputably the most well-known yandere character there is. So if you really want to spread the truth about how most yanderes act, this image should be changed to...

http://i.imgur.com/fWnOKRE.png (Leaving this as an imgur link. Every so often, blogger automatically removes this image. No idea why.)

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Rejecting an obsessive person, part four - addressing more concerns.

Continued from part three.

Since writing these three articles on how to reject or get away from someone who's being too clingy, one question I've been asked is essentially, "How should I reject an obsessive person who keeps saying they want to be more than just friends, but I want to remain friends with them, rather than cut all ties with them?" If you're in this position, don't worry; you have many options available. Whether you know this person in real life or over the internet, the steps you can take all boil down to the same things: being honest, being clear, and being stern. Let's go over some examples of this.

Say a girl has repeatedly asked you out online and you've turned her down every time, yet she hasn't stopped trying to be more than a friend of yours. First things first, you need to figure out why she isn't taking "No" for an answer. Is it because she's uncomfortably persistent, or is it because you've consistently replied with answers like "Maybe," "I don't know," or "I need to think about it?" If it's the latter: I applaud you for being honest and patient, but you need to work on being clear and stern. If it's the former: all that's needed is to be more stern.

One of the most common reasons why people in this situation don't give a clear "No, I will not go out with you" response is because they fear some kind of retaliation. This is usually caused by a combination of catastrophizing and a lack of people explaining to the person in this situation that they have nothing to worry about, often because they don't tell anyone that this is happening, contrary to the advice given in this article about letting as many people (that they trust) know as possible. If they did, they would almost certainly find a great deal of support, which would give them the confidence they need to give their admirer a very clear "No" for an answer.

In ninety nine cases out of a hundred, nothing bad ever happens as a result. So a letter might show up in your inbox, calling you a big, mean stupidhead. Is this the end of the world? Is this worth dwelling on? Is this worth living in fear of? Of course not. There's not an adult alive who's never been criticized; you can handle it, just like you've handled countless other things in your life. Remember that this, too, will pass, assuming you even receive any rude letters at all after turning someone down. Don't forget that you have friends who care about you and your well-being, you're strong enough to turn someone down, and you're a good enough person for others to want to ask you out in the first place.

Next, bear in mind that they're pursuing you romantically for a reason: they're attracted to you. They like you enough to try asking you out again and again. Chances are, they want to make you happy; they're practically guaranteed to want to see you smile, not cry. This can easily work in your favor. Remember the rejection statements you looked over in part one of this rejection series? Those all went over ways to tell someone "No" when they keep asking to have sex or similar physical experiences, and how to tell them "No" if you never want to see them again. But the differences in how you can tell them "No" under those circumstances compared to telling them "No" under your current circumstances (asking you to go out, not asking for sex, and they're a friend of yours, not a stranger) aren't that different. Consider saying one of the following things the next time this clingy person asks you out, for those of you who still want to remain friends with them afterward:

"I enjoy being your friend, but I don't want to be your [boy/girl]friend. I'm not going to go out with you, so please stop asking, okay? (It's getting annoying.)" [This lets them know that you value your friendship with them, while also making it clear that you will not go out with them. The last sentence in this statement is optional; you don't have to include it if you don't want to. You'll come across as much more stern, which significantly reduces the chance that they'll ask you out again. However, this can also hurt their feelings even more than they already will be, due to being rejected.]

"I don't know you very well, and I don't feel comfortable going out with someone if I don't know them well enough." [This one was copied and pasted from part one - then significantly edited - as an example of what not to say to a clingy person who's a friend of yours. If it was said to a stranger on a bus that you'd never see again, this would a fine excuse; you would disembark and ditch them as quickly as you could, never giving them a chance to get to know you.]

[However, this would be catastrophic to say to a clingy friend. If they're already a friend of yours and you want to remain friends, then the two of you spend time together. That being the case, they would think, "Oh, okay. All I have to do is spend more time getting to know you, then I'll ask you out again!" Whoops. Talk about prolonging the problem. This is an example of not being clear enough; it gives them hope that all they have to do is wait awhile longer until they can ask you out again.]

"Look, I've already given you my answer on this several times. The phrase 'no means no' exists for a reason. Please respect that and stop asking me out." [Simple and effective; a nice mix of being honest, clear, stern, and even polite.]

"You've made your point clear: you want to go out with me. I've said 'no' many times now. Continuing to ask me out is just going to keep making me uncomfortable. You don't want me to be uncomfortable, do you?" [This is an example of working the fact that they probably want you to be happy in your favor.]

"I've said 'no' several times now. How can you expect me to go out with you when you clearly have no respect for me, my boundaries, or my wishes?" [Look familiar? This is another example of something you should not say to a clingy friend that you only wish to remain friends with, for the exact same reasons as the other example. In this case, your clingy friend would think, "Oh, okay. All I have to do is show her that I can be more respectful. After that, the problem will be solved; she'll see I have respect for her, so she'll have no problem with me asking her out again afterward!"]

[If you were to use this rejection statement, it would be defining criteria under which they could (and in their mind, should) ask you out again. By doing that, you're not being clear that you're rejecting them; the message that sends is, "Here's what you need to do before you can ask me out again," rather than "Stop asking me out; let's remain friends." This statement also does nothing to address the fact that you want to remain friends with them.]

"I understand how you feel and I respect your feelings, but I don't want to go out with you. Please understand and respect my feelings, too; I just don't want to go out with you. I hope we can remain friends. Do you need some alone time?" [This statement gets a little presumptuous about their response(s) at the end, but I felt the need to illustrate the use of that final phrase. It drives the point - that you're rejecting them as a lover - further home, and reminds them that they can take some alone time to express their grief over this.]

[This is an excellent alternative to them staying with you, expressing their grief on the spot for anywhere from minutes to hours, and being even clingier. If they respond with something like, "I don't need alone time; I need to be with you," you could politely remind them, "You don't need to be with me; you want to be with me - so much that you're disrespecting me by repeatedly asking me out when I keep saying 'no.' Every time you ask me out, what you're telling me is, 'Your feelings don't matter; only mine do. That's why I'll keep asking you out until you do what I want.' If you really care about me: please just listen to me and stop asking me out. I only want to be your friend, not your [boy/girl]friend. Do you understand?"]

If you're in this situation, don't feel guilty about quoting any of the above statements word for word, if you want to, as long as you think they'll work for you. Feel free to come up with your own rejection statement too, if you'd like! Putting it in your own words is often best; since they're your words, not someone else's, they should be easier to remember. If you do this, make sure to cover the bases of being honest, clear, and stern, and that you don't accidentally mention something that your clingy friend could misunderstand as a criteria to fulfill before asking you out again.

One last, important aspect of this is addressing the second half of your intent behind rejecting them: remaining friends with them after they've accepted that you won't go out with them. Needless to say, they're going to feel hurt, and if you do nothing, their pain could cause them to emotionally lash out at you. Since your intent is to remain friends with them: do exactly that. When it's clear that they're in pain, try to ease it.

Anything from mentioning that there are plenty of other fish in the sea - in your own words, and giving practical examples of other people they might like, if applicable - to joining in on one of their hobbies or interests to cheer them up could go a long way toward comforting them. There are a million things you could do, but you're their friend; you know them better than I ever will. What do you think you should do to remain friends with them, once you've rejected them for the last time? Whatever choice you make, I'm sure things will work out for you, and if you ever need more help or advice, remember that it's okay to seek it.

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Rejecting an obsessive person, part three - over the internet.

Continued from part two.

"But I'm not sure I can remove my stalker from my friends list!" is another popular concern. "We have mutual friends; what if they lie to them by telling them that I'm secretly really mean?" Proof usually trumps rumor-mongering. Before removing your stalker, I want you to take screenshots of what they said or did which made you decide to remove them. Copying their text isn't good enough; your stalker could claim that you're lying about them saying those things. I know that photos can also be forged, but considering that it usually takes hundreds of times longer to masterfully edit a photo without a single pixel being out of place to make it seem like someone said something they didn't - and taking into account that you may not have the skills to do this - it's unlikely that anyone will believe your stalker if they say "Those pictures are photoshopped!"

"But I don't know how to take screenshots..." Say "hello" to option one, one of the most useful programs you'll ever use: puush. This allows you to take screenshots of anything, almost anytime. After you register an account (don't forget to write down your puush email address and password in that username-and-password text file you've made!) and download puush, you're ready to start using it. I've changed most of the default keybinds on mine, but to give you an example of how it works, you can press ctrl+shift+3 to take a picture of your entire screen. To view - and change - your keybinds, open puush by double clicking its white arrow icon in your tool tray, then click the Key Bindings tab at the top.

Keep in mind that puush screenshots (which can be viewed by going to your Account tab and clicking the My Account button) are all deleted from your account after about thirty days, unless you pay for longer lasting storage. If you're not interested in paying, I recommend taking screenshots, and when you think one is important enough to use again in the future, access that specific screenshot in whichever web browser you prefer, right click it, and save it to your computer. I also recommend changing your Capture current window keybind to something which only requires one hand, like left shift+tab, so you may use it very frequently with as little hassle as possible.

"Sometimes puush's servers are offline, or I have other problems concerning it." Then here's option two: the PrtScr key in the top-right corner of your keyboard. This will allow you to take screenshots of your entire screen, with or without a working internet connection. Imagine that while you're on a computer, you have an invisible clipboard on standby, waiting to take down one piece of information. Whenever you copy something - such as a single word, fifty pages worth of text, or a picture - that information is temporarily stored on that invisible clipboard. That is how the PrtScr key works. A picture of your entire screen overwrites any other information you may have previously had waiting on your clipboard, and you can paste that picture (as in the "paste" portion of the phrase "copy and paste") into an image editing program, such as MS paint.

It's important to note that your clipboard can only contain one set of information at a time, so if you copy some text after pressing the PrtScr key, your picture will be deleted and replaced by the text you chose. After pressing PrtScr, you should open MS paint - or any other image editing program of your choice - and press ctrl+v as soon as possible, in order to paste a picture of what your screen looked like when you pressed PrtScr, and of course, save the picture immediately. (Ctrl+v is the command to paste information from your clipboard and works in a great many programs, whether you intend to paste text, a picture, or even audio data, assuming the program you're using is designed to edit such information.) If you'd like, you can edit the dimensions of the picture you took to crop out irrelevant information.

I'll say it again: if you have friends in common with your stalker and you want to get them out of your life, make sure you have irrefutable proof of what wrongdoings they're guilty of before removing them. If you believe they'll cause drama, you'll need that proof to defend yourself. Getting into the habit of taking screenshots of certain things, saving them, and even creating backups of them if necessary is a good practice all around; knowing how to gather and preserve evidence is a vital skill that everyone should have, including those who don't have stalkers.

One way of preserving evidence is to first take and save a screenshot, then make a copy of it and transfer the copy to an external hard drive or solid-state drive. HDDs or SSDs are the boxes inside your computer that store long-term information, like pictures, songs, and other data. You can buy more HDDs and SSDs as boxes that sit on the outside of your computer, and are usually connected via a USB cable. If you've ever plugged anything into a computer with a USB cable, you know how to connect and use an external HDD or SSD, and yes, external ones can be used at the same time as internal ones. Think of them as bigger flash drives with much higher capacities.

The only problem is that they're out of some people's price range, if you don't have anywhere from $50 to several hundred dollars to spend on one, and if yours fails, repairs could cost you anywhere from $300 to $5,000, depending on which company you bought it from, whether or not it's still within warranty, and how it failed. Some failures won't require you to spend any money at all to fix, but physical failures - the kind caused by accidentally knocking your HDD over too many times, spilling liquid on it, or other such failures - will. It's a good thing we have alternatives to this.

Much like puush, a website called mediafire can be used to store information of your choosing. It won't take screenshots for you, but it'll do a fine job of saving them, if you choose to upload your screenshots to it. Boasting an impressive 50 GB worth of storage for all of its users for free (note: that's probably more room than you'll ever need. I say this after using their services for eight years straight and uploading many hundreds of files to my mediafire account), to my knowledge, they never delete the files you upload, if the files on my account are anything to judge by. If you want to make sure you have backups of important information, then make a mediafire account and upload that information to your account. (And don't forget to write down your login details in your usernames-and-passwords text file!)

One more method you may want to use to create lasting proof of something is a webpage archiver. I recommend using this website, archive.is, to create a sort of snapshot of a webpage in its current form. The thing is, instead of only being a picture, it creates a virtual copy of that page, meaning that all its links and other content are fully interactive. After submitting a link to archive on the main page, there'll be a loading screen, and once it's finished, you'll receive a link to that archived page. If it's important enough to you that you feel the need to archive that page, you should save that link somewhere where you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that you'll never forget it or lose it! This site is another option, but they've been proven to delete their own archived pages at the request of people with bad intentions, making the site unsuitable for most people.

There are many other ways to save and preserve information, but all of the methods and tools I've mentioned here will suit your needs just fine. These are only a means to an end - a way for you to give yourself peace of mind before cutting all ties with your stalker or someone else you need to remove from your life, which can be difficult for many people to do. By now you understand that the foundation of preventing yourself from having stalkers in the first place is to remain as anonymous as you can online whenever possible, and you may have learned some things about software you didn't use until now, and how very much it can help you. Next, let's go over some things you probably already use, and how you can use them to cut contact with people who are too obsessive toward you.

Facebook is a site we're all familiar with. If you're a facebook user, blocking and removing someone is as straightforward there as it is on most other sites. All you have to do is navigate to your stalker's profile, hover your mouse over the Friends button near the top if you're friends with them, and click Unfriend in the dropdown menu that will appear. To the right of this button, you'll see a "..." button. After clicking it, a dropdown menu will appear. Under this menu, you can click the Report button to report them if you wish, and the Block button to block them. Another thing you'll want to do is go to your profile, and in the Friends section, click the Manage icon on the right, followed by Edit Privacy. Ensure that nobody can see your friends list but you and your friends, or only you.

While you're at it, if you have a facebook profile and are currently logged in to it, you should click this link, which will take you to your privacy settings. Giving stalkers the ability to see your posts, the people on your friends list, and other sensitive information could give them the chances they need to continue being a thorn in your side. Once you're done with those settings, look at the Timeline and Tagging option on the left side of that screen, and make sure that you adjust all of those privacy settings, too. In addition, take note that if your stalker hasn't found you on facebook and you know their profile, you shouldn't view it. If you view someone's profile too many times, you'll start showing up in their "People you may know" list, which will alert them to your presence.

Are you a redditor? Consider clicking preferences in the top-right corner, then scrolling down to your messaging options and disabling the checkbox which says "notify me when people say my username." You can also go to your inbox and block individual users by clicking "block user" below a message from a user you wish to block from messaging you. And if you really feel the need to, feel free to delete your account by clicking the "delete" tab under your preferences; it's the tab that's farthest to the right.

I'm sure you're no stranger to skype, considering it has over three hundred and fifty million registered users. If you use it and want to avoid stalkers on it, start by blocking and removing them, in that order. After you right click their username, select Block This Person. In the new window that appears, check the Remove from your Contact List option, and if necessary, the Report abuse box as well. Once you're done, click the Block button. To no longer see your chat history with them, go to your Recent tab, right click their username, and click Hide conversation.

To prevent them from freely messaging you again, go to Tools (one of the tabs at the top of skype) > Options > Privacy and adjust your settings to prevent people who aren't on your contact list from IMing you or starting calls with you. To make it harder for your stalker to find you again, you should click your avatar in the top-left corner of skype, then click your display name near the top-center of the window and change it to something new - preferably a name you've never used before and have no intention of using on any websites.

With over one hundred and twenty five million users and a peak of about nine million online simultaneously, steam is worth mentioning. As with skype, it's much easier to block and remove them from your friends list in that order, rather than removing them, possibly having trouble finding them again, and being unable to block them until they make contact with you again as a result. To block them, either search for them in your friends list, click the arrow to the right of their name, and select Block All Communication, or go to their profile, click the More button near the top-right side of their profile, and choose the same option.

In both cases, you can remove them using the same steps; just replace Block All Communication with the Remove this Friend option or the Unfriend option. To make it harder for your stalker to find you again, go to your profile, and near the top-right side, click Edit Profile. Near the center, above your avatar, where it says Custom URL you'll see an input field to the left of http://steamcommunity.com/id. If you don't already have a steam ID, give yourself one. If you have one already, change it to something new. Also consider quickly changing your display name more than ten times (which will clear your alias history) and give yourself a name you've never used before. Finally, click My Privacy Settings near the top-right side and change your profile status so that nobody but your friends can view it, and only your friends can comment on it.

For those of you who use tumblr, if you're receiving hatemail or other unwanted mail from someone who is not anonymous, simply click the X icon in the last ask or fanmail they sent you. You can also use this link to report their behavior, if the situation warrants it. If you're receiving anonymous hatemail on there, you can block the person who sent it by clicking the same X icon. You can't report them since their account name won't show up in your ignore list, but an added benefit is that they can never send you hatemail from that IP address again. You also have the option of disabling anonymous asks - or all asks - under Settings > [your blog name] on the right.

Getting tweets from an obsessive Twitter user you want nothing to do with? Under one of their tweets, click the "..." button, then select Mute. You will no longer receive notifications or tweets that are from or about them. Next, under a different tweet (the previous one you chose will be gone), click the same "..." button as before, and click Block this time. Once you do, they'll no longer be able to follow you or message you. It will also prevent you from seeing their tweets on their profile by default, unless you click a View Tweets button near the top. More privacy options can be found by clicking your avatar in the top right corner, clicking Settings, then clicking the Security and privacy tab near the top-left side of the page.

Getting unwanted phone calls, text messages, or emails? There are so many hundreds of email clients and cell phone models nowadays that it would be impossible for me to go over all of them with you, but it's not all bad news: many phones and email clients allow you to block unwanted communications. All you have to do is research how to do it (I.E. google it or look up how it's done using another search engine) with your specific type of phone or client.

One last question you may have is, "But what if I've blocked my stalker and they continue trying to get in touch with me by adding my friends and trying to speak to me through them?" Then you need to let your friends know that that's not okay, and on top of that, increase your security settings so that your stalker can't view who your friends are - if possible, and it is on facebook and steam, among other things. Consider creating a post or updating a status of yours, informing friends that they shouldn't accept a friend request from so-and-so, because they're only sending friend requests to harass you.

If things have truly gotten bad and you can't seem to get rid of your stalker by changing a display name or adjusting your privacy settings, remember: that website doesn't control your life. You lived a long time without having an account on there and you're strong enough to do without it. And instead of leaving that website for good, you could create a new account with a new alias and a slimmer friends list, only adding back the people you trust or stay in frequent contact with. This is also a great way of determining who really matters to you, and don't forget: making a new account on a website is not the end of the world. Even on steam, where you may have sunk hundreds or even thousands of dollars into your account, it's not a big deal because you can use steam family sharing to continue playing all the games you've paid for (or received as gifts) on an entirely new account.

Sure, stalkers and other clingy people we don't want in our lives can be a nuisance, but they're just that: a nuisance and nothing more. With all this information at your disposal, you should have all the options you need to say "goodbye" to them for good and move forward with your life, if your goal is to get rid of them. However, sometimes things aren't always that simple, and people want to remain friends with someone after rejecting them. In part four, you can see many of the options that these people have available.

Concluded in part four.

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Rejecting an obsessive person, part two - over the internet.

Continued from part one.

Let's say there's a person who constantly wants access to you, but they don't know you in real life; they only know you over the internet. What should you do then? Fortunately, it's much easier to turn someone away over the internet since, in many cases, it's as simple as clicking a "Block" button. Assuming this stalker only knows you on a single website, deleting them from your friends list is usually all it takes to remove them from your life. But those who have been in this situation many times before can tell you that it's not always that easy.

It's reasonable to assume that you have at least one or two usernames that you've used on many different websites. A pseudonym you once used on facebook could easily be the same one you used for three different gaming websites you've forgotten about, instagram, an old youtube account you no longer remember, and your active twitter account. If a stalker knows your name on one of these: they could easily know your name on all the others. With all that information at their disposal, it becomes easier for them to find out newer usernames you've started using, too.

They used to only message you on facebook, but now that you've removed them as a friend, they're trying to message you on twitter. You block them on twitter as well, but now they're emailing you, whether you like it or not. Where does it end? Assuming you've made a decision to get them out of your life and you're unwilling to listen to what they have to say, this comes down to two tactics: taking preventive measures and having a solid understanding of the media you use - specifically, how it can be used to contact you or connect you to other media.

Starting with the first, taking preventive measures entails preparing for the worst. On facebook - and any other applicable website or software - this means changing your settings so that as much information as possible on your profile is invisible to people who aren't your friends. Needless to say, this makes it harder for would-be stalkers to learn more about you, especially if they were never friends with you on that particular website.

Another preventive measure is keeping your anonymity intact at every possible opportunity. You should obviously use your real name when making an account on your bank's website, for example, but aside from these scenarios where you need to make an account that's linked to you and your actions in the real world (like a profile on your company's website, if they require all their employees to have one), you should always avoid using your real information.

Is your real name John Doe? Congratulations: your new first and last names online are anything but "John" and "Doe." Feel free to use "Bobby Bobberson," "Will Smith," or even "Jane Wilsterhamptonshire." Anything but your real name. The same is true of things like your cell phone number and any other information that's tied to you in the real world. "But what cell phone number should I use when signing up on websites that can detect fake numbers?" you ask, to which I reply: the number of one of the last telemarketers who called you.

"But what about websites that require you to answer a call or type in a code from a text message?" Consider looking into virtual phone numbers, or just biting the bullet and using your real number for that site, and as few other sites as possible. If possible, edit your profile on such websites so that no one can see your phone number but you. Alternatively, you may not even need to perform such a step.

Gmail has become infamous for requiring most people to verify their new email accounts by answering a text or phone call, but if you use a convincingly real first and last name, do not provide a phone number, do not fill out the "Your current email address" field, and do not choose the "Skip this verification" option, gmail won't force you through the "prove you're not a robot by responding to a text or call" page. (This is one example of the second tactic - having a superb understanding of the media you use - and the first tactic combined.)

You might think, "At least it's alright for me to use my real date of birth." If so, you're wrong! You may have used different pseudonyms and hid your phone number on your profiles, but whoops: you used the exact same date of birth on every website you've ever signed up on. Now, when your stalker finds your facebook profile - which you linked from another website, using a different display name on both of them - they'll be pretty sure that it's you, since you're the one who linked it. Once they see that the date of birth listed on both accounts is exactly the same, any doubt will be removed and they'll know to message you on there. They'll also know a new username they can use to find more information about you.

So, how do you keep up with all this information? By writing it down. What's worked best for me - and considering that this has always worked flawlessly for me and has helped me over a thousand times in the past fifteen years, I can't stress how important is is that you actually do this! - is creating a text file which contains every username, password, and email address that you use when registering on websites. In my opinion, the best syntax is as follows:

Abcwebsite.com
Username
pa [Just the first two or three letters of your password]
myemail@gmail.com

Username2
pa1 [Just the first two or three letters of your password. By the time you made Username2, Abcwebsite.com implemented a new policy where all passwords must contain both numbers and letters. Because of this, for Username2, you used your regular password, but added the number 1 to the end of it. You make a note of this by writing down "pa1" instead of "pa" under this account.]
altemail@yahoo.com


=Bcdwebsite.com=
UnrelatedName
pa [Just the first two or three letters of your password]
totallydifferentemailaddress@gmail.com

Did you notice the two lines worth of empty space between Abcwebsite and Bcdwebsite? This is for readability. You'd be amazed by how much easier it is to read and navigate between your different account names, passwords, and email addresses on various websites when you add two lines of empty space directly above each website name. Meanwhile, using one space between your account names is a good practice, especially since you could easily wind up with ten or more email accounts over the years under a single email service.

Notice that three different usernames, three different email addresses, and two different email providers (gmail and yahoo) were used across two different websites. This was used to maintain anonymity. When your stalker uses a search engine to find more information about you and they only know your "UnrelatedName" username, the only results they'll find are places where that name is mentioned - so they shouldn't be able to find you on Abcwebsite, only Bcdwebsite. Even if they do find you on both, they'll see the many differences in your accounts, and could very well think that those three accounts belong to different people.

The main reason why you should always add your email address when keeping track of your usernames and passwords is because some websites don't have usernames; you log in with your email address and password instead. A secondary - but still important - reason is to recover your account in case something goes wrong, and you don't remember which of your many, many email addresses you used when registering that account. You should always write down the phone number you use, if you even use one, for similar reasons.

The final good practice in this example is =Bcdwebsite.com= itself. The two equals signs around it make it a hundred times faster to find certain websites in your text file, especially when using ctrl+f. Need to find the password to log in to one of your gmail accounts? If you use ctrl+f to search for myemail@gmail.com, you're going to have to slowly go through every single website that you've signed up on using that email address in alphabetical order, until you reach "g" for "gmail." By throwing == around Gmail, all you have to do is type =Gmail= or simply =G to jump straight to your list of gmail accounts when using the ctrl+f command. Not familiar with ctrl+f? Try using it now to see how it works!

(And have you made your text file yet? If not, do so immediately. You'll be glad it exists every time you have to reference it. Gone will be the days of, "Yeah, I have an account on there. I just wish I could remember the password :(" This is another reason why you need to make such a list to deter stalkers: you need to be able to log in to your accounts so you can edit them and remove your personal information, or outright delete them, if possible and when necessary.)

You can also write down the date of birth you use on every website if you want to, but I've never  encountered a situation where I needed to input my date of birth to verify that I am who I say I am, except on websites that were owned by banks. On these sites, I used my real date of birth anyway - like any sane person would, since you shouldn't lie when registering a bank account - so there was no need for me to keep track of a fake one.

You can pick any random month, day, and year every time you sign up on a new site, and you should be fine. To not come across as a bot, when choosing your DoB, you should choose years that are within ten years of the one you were born in. And remember the point of this: choose a different month, day, and year every time! There's no point in always claiming that you were born on Halloween or any other day you weren't actually born on if you're going to keep reusing it on every website - the purpose is to show your stalkers different dates, so they think Account1 and Account2 were made by different people, when really, they both belong to you.

(You've remembered to actually make the text file by now, right? If you don't know how to make a text file, just right click your desktop, hover your mouse over the word "New," and in the menu that appears to the right, select "Text Document.")

Continued in part three.

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